Not Funny: Part III

The mentally "questionable" contestants who will inevitably appear on tonight's premiere of American Idol, who are oblivious to their lack of talent, who will be edited to look as foolish as possible, and all in the name of ratings. I'm not talking about the obvious posers and fakers, those seeking 15 minutes, but those people who are sincere, hopeful, talentless and clueless -- presented, cruelly, for ridicule and ratings.

David Cook, Johnny Cash and Roberta Flack

David Cook just sang "The First Time I Ever Saw Your Face" on American Idol. Johnny Cash did a poignant cover of this Roberta Flack song on his second last album. Listen below: The flaws in Cash's voice only make his cover, I think, more extraordinary and touching and haunting.

Cash died soon after his wife June Carter did, and can't you just hear him thinking about HER as he is singing THIS.

I really liked Cook's version, too.

It's Getting Old

I don't mind if someone makes a fool of themselves on national television, as long as they are in on the joke, or have the mental capacity to appreciate their own ridiculousness.

This wasn't the case a number of times last night on American Idol, as America was treated to yet more of the cruel and contrived schtick viewers have grown to expect of the show.

It's getting old.

How would I describe last night's season premiere? At times, it was
Jerry Springer-like. Mean-spirited. Manipulative. Shamefully contrived and thus predictable. In short, an amalgam of the worst of American "reality" TV.

What is best about American Idol is seeing talented performers and otherwise normal people achieving, at least on some small level, their own 15 minutes of greatness. How many of these people were pretty much glossed over last night to show us packages on Sparkle Girl (aka the Second Coming of Joan Jett) or the Bearded Bear who Paula made go get his chest waxed. At least the bearded guy, who sang Don't Cha and wore a bikini, seemed to be in on the joke.

Many people are getting rich off this show. Producers need to stop showcasing people of seeemingly marginal mental abilities who 1) can't really defend themselves, especially in light of devilish editing and 2) won't be getting filthy rich off this show.

Awful. And, from my perspective, a little immoral.

More later. Maybe. Even with the writer's strike, I'm not sure I can stand watching anymore until the talent part of this competition begins.

American Idol Repeats

American Idol is poised for perhaps its best season ever, and this season will feature the most talented group of singers in the history of the competition.

Oh, that's not me talking in the first sentence; it's me recalling and summarizing the media hype from Season 6, which featured ... Sanjaya.

Season 7 starts tonight, and once again the hype has producers and judges calling this the best season ever, and a season that will feature the most talented group of singers in the history of the competition.

Tonight is the season premiere, but all this hype sure feels like a repeat, dawg.

Taylor Not Made

We here at TCOJ have a soft spot in our heart for Taylor Hicks. As we approach our 1,000th post, we recall that our second-ever post was about Taylor.

We're sorry to hear that his record deal just went the way of the Titanic, the Dodo and the Ron Paul presidential campaign.

DVR + American Idol = Missed Ending

With two hours of Lost to watch last night, and the excruciating (in parts) two-hour finale of American idol, Wally and I decided to watch both shows on DVR, fast-forwarding through as many commercials as possible.

Getting through four hours of both shows only took about 3 hours of commercial-free time, if you don't count the Ford commercial/music video that was built into American Idol. (I'm really not sure those music videos are going to translate into more car sales for Ford, but who knows?)

One problem: I never saw the moment when Jordin won American Idol; the show must have went long (intentionally?) and my DVR cut off the show during what I think was the last commercial break.

So what did I miss?

Mark The Time

It was about quarter after the hour, May 23, 2007. This is when American Idol officially jumped the shark with a Golden Idol Award bit with contestant Margaret Fowler that was painfully unfunny, not at all entertaining and inappropriate for a show that wants the audience to take the competition (at this stage) very seriously.




This was so embarrassingly phony (fake cell phone call, staged kiss) and just God-awful, that I started blushing.

I'll never wear banana-yellow again.

False Note

Did you see George and Laura Bush on American Idol last night?

American Idol raised nearly $70 million for needy people around the world, which is a great thing, including money for victims of Hurricane Katrina. The Bushes took the opportunity to thank viewers for their generosity.

The Bushes may remember Hurricane Katrina, right?

It's a shame that the Bush administration bungled potential foreign aid to Katrina victims totaling more than $800 million. The Washington Post reported the story over the weekend. You can read more here and here and here.

D'oh!

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Here's how I would rank last night's performances, from best to worst: Melinda, Blake, Lakisha, Phil, Chris, Jordin, Laura Bush, George Bush.

I know who I'd be sending home to Texas.

No D'oh For American Idol As It Raises ... Dough

Here's a Simpsons cartoon from last night's episode of American Idol, "Idol Gives Back," which focused on raising money and awareness about global poverty. I had to fast-forward through parts since I got home late and had two episodes of Lost to watch, but I thought the show was very well-done in giving Americans a glimpse into just how lucky most of us are.

Sanjaya on Letterman

News for Fanjayas

Sanjaya Malakar from American Idol will read the Top Ten List on tonight's Late Show With David Letterman.

He was on The Tonight Show with Jay Leno late last week.

How many American Idol contestants can say they were on both Letterman and Leno in a span of just days separating each appearance?

Think about that for awhile. This is Jim Carrey territory.

If I were a producer for The Amazing Race, I'd want this guy racing with his sister. Let's just hope there were no Roadblocks involving ... singing.

My Five Favorite People on Television

As of five seconds ago. This could change at any moment.

1. Juliet from Lost, played by Elizabeth Mitchell. Complex character, well-written, well-acted. And those deep blue (and Wally-esque) eyes! Just give her the Emmy now.

2. Yau-Man Chan. He plays two roles on this season of Survivor: "Asian guy" and "Old Guy." Smart, crafty, down-to-earth, and unpretentious. In other words, he's unlike 95 percent of reality show contestants. I hope he wins.

3. David Letterman. Today's his birthday. He turns 60. He's been making me laugh for, oh, a quarter of a century now. Thanks, Dave, and happy birthday.

4. Caveman Guy from The Geico ads. I know they're turning this into a TV pilot, which might turn into something absolutely disastrous, but these commercials make me laugh every time. I sure hope they find a cure for his chronic wistfulness.

5. Don't beat me up over this one: Sanjaya from American Idol. This guy gets pooped on in the media on a regular basis. The cruel comments come from the ladies on The View, shock jocks, Keith Olbermann, bloggers ... me. But yet he continues to smile, translating his minimal talent into more media buzz than Donald Trump. I hope he has an agent, cause I'd be looking to get him and his sister booked on the next Amazing Race as well as some sort of shampoo commercial. Cher, Charro, Elvis, Sammy and Sanjaya. Only one name is needed, and isn't that amazing?

Who Gets Your Vote?

Who's the smoothest operator? Sanjaya Malakar from American Idol or medical reporter/neurosurgeon Dr. Sanjay Gupta from CBS/CNN?

My Reaction To The Quality of the Musical Arrangements on Last Night's American Idol

Who could really sound good with arrangements like that?

And was that really Mickey from The Monkeys in the front row?

This Girl Has Really Got Me Down

The Town Crier

Here's my prescription for the little girl who kept crying last night on American Idol, a girl who just coincidentally was placed near the front of the studio and in a camera-friendly seat, almost as if it had been planned by producers!:

1. Daily use of Celexa, 20 mg.

2. A hug, and an "I love you sweetie" from her parents.

3. Acting lessons, and quite possibly an agent.

***

God bless this emotional little girl! But if the producers used her as a TV stunt -- something she could face ridicule for for a long time coming -- then shame on them.

No hugs for American Idol producers!

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The Love Song From Oliver! About A Murderer

Melinda Doolittle just finished singing "As Long As He Needs Me" on American Idol. It's a song from the musical Oliver!

A little background about the song: Within the context of Oliver! it's sung by the character of Nancy, and she's singing about her boyfriend ... a violent criminal named Bill Sykes who physically abuses Nancy and, by the end of show, clubs her to death.

That said, it's a beautiful song about a very ugly relationship based on undeserved female loyalty and co-dependence. (Read the song lyrics here.) I've heard it sung many times before, by various actresses, and I really LOVED what Doolittle did with it.

She's in a totally different class than most of the other remaining 10 contestants, don't you think?

Dave Has Questions For Paula

Oprah Winfrey says that when you interview someone, always ask the questions you really want the answers to.

David Letterman, who is a much better interviewer than people give him credit for, asked Paula Abdul three questions last night on The Late Show that would have made Oprah proud:

1. Did you have sex with that kid on the show?

2. What about the reports that you were drinking on the show?

3. Have you ever taken any pain medication or any kind of prescription drugs that make you seem incoherent or fuzzy?

However, in the clip that CBS uploaded to YouTube, you won't hear him asking these questions, and you'll only hear Paula answering, sort of, a related question that was phrased slightly differently.

Below is an edited portion of the interview, which was in no way contentious. (Dave told Paula he is a big fan of American Idol.) Paula's answers to the above questions (paraphrased by me) were:

1) No.
2) I don't drink and have never been drunk.
3) No.

Think About This Closely

Antonella Barba, the cutie pie American Idol contestant known for both her skimpy internet photos and for having about 20 percent of Kelly Clarkson's vocal talents, is now the Number One searched phrase on Technorati. It's been that way for days, since she was voted off the show last week.

Also in the Top 10: Gay porn star/marine/conservative icon Matt Sanchez and singer Clay Aiken.

This might say something about American culture ... but I'm not sure what.

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The Eyes Still Have It

My second-ever post, after starting this blog on a whim last May, was About American Idol and its strange fascination with American Eye Makeup.

I'm pleased to report that the eyes still have it on the show, as male contestants have been showing up looking more and more like Katie Couric in recent days.

It's particularly alarming on a large-screen TV.

On last Tuesday's show, Sundance appeared all dolled-up with eyeliner, just like Taylor Hicks used to.

He seems like a really nice guy, this Sundance does. But his makeup artists make me want to shout.

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This is now Post 491. Thanks for reading.