World's Best Boyfriend

My lover Wally is a cog in corporate America middle management.

Because of this, he prefers to be communicated with (90 percent of the time) using only Powerpoint presentations.

He's a lot like my friend Timmy in this regard, who never communicates anything without the aid of a Powerpoint. This includes all facets of Timmy's life, including proposing marriage and wishing his wife a Happy Valentine's Day. Timmy even uses Powerpoint presentations when communicating his "I love you" talking points to his little girl.

"It's the best way I can communicate a consistent I Love You branding message for my little lady," Timmy tells me.

When Wally got home from work on Friday, of course I had dinner and his nightly Powerpoint ready for him the moment he arrived. The slide is below. I think my presentation went very well.

Wally Speaks

Wally here: After spending two years with Joe, and after celebrating our anniversary last night, I need the world to know something. Watch below, and thanks for listening.

Coming Later Today: Wally's First-Ever Post

I wonder what he wants to talk about? He hinted it may be a video post. I really don't have a clue.

It Was A Fair Question

The other day, just as Wally was leaving my house, he overheard me talking to my cat.

In what was sort of a monologue, I was letting my little princess know how proud I was of her, how she's grown into a wonderful and elegant young lady, how she should never sleep with a boy cat just because he purrs at her, and how my little heaven-sent angel is not only pretty on the outside, but that she radiates an essential inner beauty that is so much more important. I reminded my little girl that she is a confident, self-assured young lady who doesn't need the affirmations of a male cat (in this case a frisky one) to validate her essential dignity and her inherent self-worth.

Wally then asked me: This is what you do when I'm not here, right?

I said yes.

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For Wally: "I Cho-Cho Chose You"

Wally's Take on the Oscars

Wally, he of few words, and he who never posts replies on this blog, just sent me an email with his reaction to the Oscar nominations. As usual, his 12 words are few and well-chosen:

"I'm just glad that Borat wasn't listed in any of the scategories."

Indeed, there'll be no Best Actor Oscar for Sacha Baron Cohen because you can't win if your peers don't enter you.

And it looks like the Academy of Motion Picture Arts & Sciences wasn't quite ready to reward Cohen's quite literal bag of tricks.

If you haven't seen the movie, Sasha's "bag of tricks" is actually a "bag of poop" during the dinner scene pictured above. He may have better luck securing an award from the Anal Academy of Motion Picture Arts.

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SPOILER ALERT: Predictions for 2007

One year ago this week, I made some shocking predictions for 2006, almost all of which came true.

I didn't have a blog way back then, so my predictions were contained in a lengthy email to friends. Subject line: PREDICTIONS FOR 2006!!!!!

Before I get to my predictions for 2007, I want to review some of my predictions for 2006.

* I predicted that Wally would be *even sexier* in 2006 than he was in 2005. I was right.

* I predicted that soybean futures would NOT be the place to put your money. I was right.

* I predicted the firing of Donald Rumsfeld, the election of Felipe Calderon as president of Mexico and the scandal involving Britney Spears not wearing panties. I was right, right and right.

Where did I go wrong? I missed predicting Nicole Ritchie's final year-end weight by 14 ounces.

Now, my predictions for 2007:

* A woman in Idaho wins a large jury verdict after suffering a seizure watching Studio 60 on the Sunset Strip. Jurors are quick to blame the writing.

* Viewership of Internet porn rises at a rate two points higher than inflation.

* Minister Ted Haggard is spotted in Provincetown on the Fourth of July wearing a catcher T-shirt and dancing at the A-House with gay blogger Andrew Sullivan. They are both clutching a copy of Andrew's new book, The Conservative Soul: How We Lost It, How to Get It Back, now available on Amazon.com.

* An unnamed member of the cast of the Real World Road Rules Challenges on MTV fills out an application for a real job and doesn't get it.

* A prominent journalist at a major news network is outed. Shepard Smith breaks the story.

* The Bush Daughters celebrate a double wedding! With each other. In Massachusetts.

* Following the president's divorce, Condeleeza Rice-Bush quickly establishes herself as the most-loved first lady in U.S. history.

* A Broadway Musical based on the life of Hugh Beaumont from Leave It To Beaver becomes the national rage, while also igniting a furious debate over a shocking scene involving Jerry Mathers and a string of pearls.

* Dick Cheney shoots 14 people, including the president of Mexico, in a Thanksgiving day massacre before finally being wrestled to the ground by Boutros Boutros-Ghali.

* Andy Kaufman announces to the world he's really still alive, and then kills himself. Tom Shales at The Washington Post praises the stunt as brilliant.

* Dennis Kucinich is elected president of the new republic of Puerto Rico. Troops from Iraq are quickly redeployed as the U.S. leads the coalition invading San Juan.

* The Cup of Joe resumes its coverage of kittens to rave reviews, and doubles its daily readership to two.

One more prediction to bet the house on:
Towleroad lands another scoop and is the first
to report bullet number 3.

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