Tuesday, July 31, 2007

Car Chase + Cat Collector = Cuckoo

This is bizzare: A man well-known as a cat collector led police on a high speed chase in Texas that reached 100 miles an hour. He claimed he was trying to get a sick cat to the hospital before it died.

It also appears as if the cat already had been dead for a long time.

"My cat was dying. I'm trying to get him to the vet," said the man. "I was trying to get to the vet, and I was hoping they would just quit following me."

Watch and read more here.

Sunday, July 29, 2007

If You've Been 'Baking Up a Batch of Frownies' ...

Then watch this:

Coming Soon: My "five favorite moments in The Simpsons Movie." Feel free to share yours in the comments.

There Are 2131 Reasons He's In The Hall of Fame

Baseball “Iron Man”Cal Ripken – who played in a record 2130 consecutive games, a record that probably will never be broken --was inducted into the Hall of Fame today, gaining 98.5 percent of the vote.

This means that 1.5 percent of the 545 voters did not for Cal.

Here’s my suspected explanation for why these 8 people did not select Ripken on the first ballot:

  • 3 of the 8 were under the influence of various prescription and “non prescription” medications.
  • 1 of the 8 have never watched Ripken play.
  • 4 of the 8 … are clinically insane.

Tony Gwynn also was inducted yesterday to the Hall of Fame, aother choice that should have been unanimous. Thirteen baseball writers failed to vote for him.

Cuckoo. Cuckoo. Cuckoo.

Quote of the Night

“I’m speechless,” Kail told America on Big Brother 8 tonight, beaming over the fact that she was not evicted from the house. “Prayer does work. Oh my goodness. Whew!”

As I mentioned in a previous post, it’s now time for Kail to start praying for an end to childhood hunger, an abundance of clean water around the world, and cures for all types of cancer.

Quote of the Day

“Basically, [Barry] Bonds has about the same work as some flight attendants – three days on, two days off – and without the duty to be friendly.”

-- Selena Roberts, in today’s New York Times

Thursday, July 26, 2007

Kail and Paula Want Help From God

Tonight, on Big Brother 8, we'll find out whether Kail will be evicted from the house. Who is Kail? She is the Christian contestant who is lying about her wealth and hiding the fact that she owns several businesses. She also has expressed horror, on national TV, at the thought of having a gay or lesbian son or daughter.

On Tuesday night, Kail told America via the confessional that whether she gets evicted tonight is NOT in the hands of Dick, the guy who nominated her for eviction. Rather, she told the camera, it's in the hands of God.

So let me get this straight: God has done nothing to stop the War in Iraq or any of the horrible ethnic and religous conflicts that permeate the globe, but She or He does definitely have a plan in store for whether Kail gets evicted?


Amber from Big Brother 8 also has expressed similar reliance on God, and she thinks God is profoundly concerned with whether she gets evicted from the house.



Also this week, we here at The Cup of Joe watched Hey Paula on Bravo for the first time.

Let's put Paula's life in perspective. She is stinking rich and lives a life of luxury, with personal assistants for wardrobe, scheduling, hair, etc, but feels the need to break out in tears seemingly every 15 minutes or so, because of how overworked she is. Or how people mistreat her. Take note that while she is having a breakdown, her assistants don't seem to react much. They must be used to it.

On the last episode I watched, Paula described "the most hideous experience for me to could go through." It didn't involve starvation, war, terrorism, or cancer.

"I wonder, where's God when you need him (voice cracking) ... because this just does not any sense," she told the camera.

So what was this horrifying thing that happened to her? You can watch the video below and find out. It's not about losing a limb, contracting the flesh-eating bacteria, or death by slow torture, all of which are "hideous experiences."

More background here. Other sources frame Paula's hideous/horrifying experience in a much different light.


Kail was not evicted from the Big Brother House last night. Instead, Mike "the painting contractor who's really a model" was evicted.

God must be answering Kail's prayers, which is why I wish that she'll start praying for an end to the War in Iraq and a cure for cancer.

Can This Cat Predict Death?

YOU make the call by reading this.

Tuesday, July 24, 2007

A Quick Thought on the Harry Potter Finale

Think there's two more Harry Potter films?

Well, let me be the first to suggest (and start the rumor) that you are wrong. Having just completed the last book, I think there could be a chance that they'll make two movies out of the final book.

By the way,I thought the finish to the book was OUTSTANDING.

But will the producers, in a magical quest for more profits, turn the final book into two movies? Does such a quest enchant you?

And did you like the finish as much as I did?

Quote of the Day

A certain character says on page 718 of the new Harry Potter book: "... perhaps those that are best suited to power are those who have never sought it. Those who, like you, have leadership thrust upon them, and take up the mantle because they must, and find to their own surprise that they wear it well."

Think about this next time you watch a presidential debate, as you listen to those men and women whose ambitions flow, I think, from their narcissism.

I mean, who in his or her right mind could really think no one else could be a better president?


Monday, July 23, 2007

Oh Jesus

Which character in the Harry Potter books does this woman remind you of?

I'd recommend she take a nice literature class in which words like symbolism and allegory are clearly, clearly explained. It might even help her understand some of the New Testament stories better.

This is my last post until Tuesday night. By then, I should have finished the last Harry Potter book ... even though I haven't read any of the previous six. I'm on page 476 now. You know, just after that *really sad thing* happens!

Saturday, July 21, 2007

President Dick Cheney: What's On His To-Do List?

He'll be the man "officially" in charge for three hours or so this morning, while President Bush gets his colonoscopy, thanks to section 3 of the 25th amendment.

First on the agenda, I think Cheney should issue an executive order legalizing the right for his lesbian daughter to marry.

Do it for your new granddaughter, OK Dick?

Next up, he can take the first steps to remove U.S. troops from the Iraq disaster.

Do it for your country, OK Dick?
(IT'S YOUR TURN: Please fill in the blanks in the comments!)

After that, he can _________________________.

Do it for your _________________, OK Dick?

Friday, July 20, 2007

Emmy Nominations: The Schrute Buck Stops Here

Last September I wrote a post, "Great Buffoons in TV history," and mentioned that Rainn Wilson deserved an Emmy nomination for his work as Dwight Schrute on The Office.

So we are happy to note the good news that Wilson was nominated for an Emmy yesterday as best supporting actor in a comedy show.

Someone gives this guy a couple Schrute bucks -- and the Emmy.


Other miscellaneous Emmy notes:

* Kathy Griffin was nominated for best reality TV series for My Life on the D List. She's competing against Antiques Roadshow, which makes me laugh.
* A hilarious episode of The Office, "The Gay Witch Hunt," was nominated for outstanding writing and direction.
* Scrubs "My Musical," one of the best single episodes of TV comedy I think I've ever seen in any year, also was nominated for outstanding direction, as was the superb season finale of Lost.
* Ricky Gervais as Andy Millman (Extras) and Alec Baldwin as Jack Donaghy (30 Rock) both were nominated for outstanding lead actor in a comedy series. (Without even mentioning the other great nominees, what a choice! I'd opt for Baldwin.)
* Both Michael Emerson as Ben and Terry O'Quinn as John Locke were nominated for outstanding supporting actor for Lost. But wherefore art thou Juliet?
* Top Chef and Project Runway both were nominated for outstanding reality-competition series. I'd give Runway the nod as Top Chef lost some flavor in its second season. Top Chef, while still entertaining and still on my Tivo, has become once extended product placement/commercial.
* If you look at all the variety nominations, you don't see Jay Leno much, eh? David Letterman once again was deservedly nominated for outstanding individual performance in a variety or music program; outstanding writing; and outstanding variety, music or comedy series. No Jay in any of these three categories.

Looks like the Dancing Itos can't save Jay this time.

Thursday, July 19, 2007

Morning Question

Gays love, love, love The Bionic Woman. This is common knowledge. Here's my earlier post on this.

So in the new version airing on NBC this fall, why in the world would the network cast homophobe Isaiah Washington?

Buzz + Kill = Buzzkill. LINK

Coming Later Today: Emmy Nominations

In about 25 minutes Emmy nominations will be announced. Look for my thoughts later today.

It will be particularly interesting to see which actors from Lost get nominated. I hope that the characters of Locke, Ben, Juliet and Charlie are among the mix. Especially Juliet, played by Elizabeth Mitchell.

And if Lost isn't nominated for best dramatic series, for the second year in a row, we here at The Cup of Joe will be very disappointed.

Wednesday, July 18, 2007

VIKI Lives!

After the post yesterday morning, a reader emailed that Tiffany Brissette, 32, who played VIKI the robot on "Small Wonder," has a full page photo in the latest Details magazine and is working as a nurse in Boulder, Colo. There's her current photo at right. Here is the source.

At that link you also can learn whatever happened to other child stars, including those from Webster, Growing Pains, The Wonder Years, Full House, The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air and Who's the Boss.

Tuesday, July 17, 2007

A Peek Into the Future?

"In the Year 2000: George Bush will no longer be referred to as America's dumbest president, but rather as America's most successful retard."
-- Conan O'Brien

Happy Days For Fall TV

COMING THIS FALL: the great Norman Lear is producing a one-hour TV show for NBC, and the great Jerry Seinfeld is returning to a network TV comedy show.

Read more here.

And in what sounds like a truly awful idea, the tired (and previously canceled) reality show The Apprentice (which became a parody of itself with all its product placement plugs happily shilled by annoyingly obsequious contestants who couldn't opine enough glowing comments about "Mr. Trump," who is, by the way, "amazing") will be returning with ... a celebrity cast?

I need your help in the comments. I'm accepting nominations for washed up celebrity contestants to appear with Donald Trump on the celebrity version of The Apprentice. Let me start by throwing out VIKI the robot from Small Wonder and Potsie from Happy Days.

Potsie and Viki, you're hired!

Monday, July 16, 2007

Will Country Turn to the Left?

For 20 out of the last 26+ years, this country has had a president who is left-handed: Ronald Reagan (1981-89), George Bush (1989-1993), Bill Clinton (1993-2001). The one president since 1981 who was not naturally left-handed has been George W. Bush, the worst disaster in U.S. presidential history.

Maybe it's time for another left-handed president to lead the country?

I guess I should also point out that Barack Obama is left-handed.

2009-2017? Anybody?

Sunday, July 15, 2007

Identical Cousins?

Dolores Umbridge, Hogwarts High Inquisitor, Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix.

Laura Bush, First Lady of the United States.

Friday, July 13, 2007

Two Who Sanction Torture

Dolores Umbridge, Hogwarts High Inquisitor, Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix.

George Bush, president of the United States.

Thursday, July 12, 2007

Bill O's "Cultural Strikeout"

An email I received last night around 9:17: "Watch Bill O'Reilly on the repeat tonight at 11 on Fox News if you can. It's the first segment and your blood will boil."

So I set the recorder -- the first time in history I've ever taped Bill-O.

The report in question was described by Bill-O as "The Culture War goes to the ballpark." He seems outraged that a free hat giveaway for the San Diego Padres occurred on the same day as a "Gay Day" at the park, which meant that "thousands of gay adults co-mingled with straight families."

I'll link to the full report if it hits YouTube later today.

"This is social engineering by the Padres," Bill-O told viewers last night, adding in other derogatory comments about the "radical gay agenda."

Memo to Bill: Kids and gays "co-mingle" every day. They teach children at schools all over the country. They read you the news on TV, or drive the school bus, or prepare that dinner at your favorite restaurant. They entertain you. They drive the school bus. They pour that beer for you at the ballpark. They play professional sports.

The subtext here is that "gays are predators and that kids shouldn't be around them." This is outrageous. This is wrong. This is sad.


UPDATE: The video is now up on YouTube. Somewhere in this video, you may even find today's predicted Worst Person in the World, and "her" name isn't Bill. But rest assured: Bill-O still sits comfortably in the Number 2 slot.

Wednesday, July 11, 2007

Public Health Bashing

The Former US. Surgeon General told Congress yesterday that top Bush administration officials repeatedly tried to weaken or suppress important public health reports because of ... political considerations. Full story here.

I'm not sure what the best words are to describe this kind of behavior, but the first one that comes to mind is "immoral."

Things I Find In My Basement


Recently re-discovered, in my basement: a printout of quite possibly the worst poem ever written. It's called "Ode On The Mammoth Cheese," a poem by James McIntyre penned in honor of ... a 7000-pound piece of cheese. Apparently, this cheese was produced in 1866 and sent to exhibitions in Toronto, New York, and Britain

Here it is, for your enjoyment:

By James McIntyre
We have seen thee, queen of cheese,
Lying quietly at your ease,
Gently fanned by evening breeze,
Thy fair form no flies dare seize.

All gaily dressed soon you'll go
To the great Provincial Show,
To be admired by many a beau
In the city of Toronto.

Cows numerous as a swarm of bees,
Or as the leaves upon the trees,
It did require to make thee please,
And stand unrivalled, queen of cheese.

May you not receive a scar as
We have heard that Mr. Harris
Intends to send you off as far as
The great World's show at Paris.

Of the youth beware of these,
For some of them might rudely squeeze
And bite your cheek, then songs or glees
We could not sing, oh! queen of cheese.

We'rt thou suspended from balloon,
You'd cast a shade, even at noon;
Folks would think it was the moon
About to fall and crush them soon.
I also found a second poem, hand-written by my friend Elgie, circa 1987, in which the phrase "pebbles of my mind" is employed, which I may post later today or this week. Anybody want to read it?

Tuesday, July 10, 2007

Amber Waves

"Amber" was nominated for eviction on tonight's episode of Big Brother 8 on CBS. Here's how she put the news in perspective:
I feel like being on the block -- [starts crying] I'm sorry -- is a gift from Him. I feel that God put me on the block as a gift to prepare me for long-term things. I think this is just His way of making me stronger.
Later, she added:
I really feel God is on my side; I think He is going to do the right thing.
Now, Amber seems nice enough. But please, America, repeat after me:

1) God doesn't care who wins the Super Bowl.
2) God doesn't care how much money you give to televangelists.
3) God doesn't care who gets evicted from Big Brother 8 on CBS. In fact, I'm fairly certain it's not even on his (or her) Tivo list.


Reader Poll: Homer or Harry?

Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix opens tomorrow, and The Simpsons Movie opens July 27.

A question for readers: If you could only see one of these movies, which one would you chose?

PERSONAL TO READER BOBBY M (pictured at right): I realize this poll isn't a hypothetical question for men whose wives won't let them spend money seeing movies.

Superhero Seeks 'Switch Hitters'

"Up, Up and Away"

FOURTH IN A SERIES (see labels)

Reader submissions invited. But please, no pictures of that one Hollywood actor, even if he is on a light switch.

Monday, July 09, 2007

Name That Tune

U.S. Sen. Orrin Hatch said on Face the Nation yesterday morning that Scooter Libby received no special treatment whatsoever when his sentence was commuted last week by President George Bush.

The good Sen. Hatch either really believes this (doubtful), is delusional (possible) ... or he's lying.

Please don't play this again, Orrin.

Sunday, July 08, 2007

People Don't Change

Frank Rich's column this morning in the New York Times was called "A Profile in Cowardice." If you haven't guessed, it was about President George Bush.

Rich points out, as we all grow to learn as we get older, that people don't change, and he draws a parallel between the younger George Bush who skipped out on his service in Vietnam and the older George Bush who unfortunately is now the commander in chief of the world's most powerful military force:
Mr. Bush’s failure to have the courage of his own convictions was apparent early in his history, when he professed support for the Vietnam War yet kept himself out of harm’s way when he had the chance to serve in it. In the White House, he has often repeated the feckless pattern that he set back then and reaffirmed last week in his hide-and-seek bestowing of the Libby commutation.
Rich's full argument about the Bush cowardice is here. And it's worth reading.

7 More Days Until Mid-Life Crisis is Televised

Next Sunday is the premiere of VH1's newest reality show, Scott Baio is 45 ... and Single, in which the commitment phobic Baio tries to charge up his love life by finding his real-life Joanie. This is the way the show is described on the VH1 Website:
Over the past 25 years, Scott Baio has lived a life that all red-blooded American males' would sell their big screen TV, car and soul for, boasting a jaw-dropping roster of erotic ex's that would even make Warren Beatty blush. This extensive line-up of Hollywood honeys include: Heather Locklear, Pam Anderson, Denise Richards and Nicolette Sheridan.

But now, staring down the barrel of middle age, Scott has come to the end of his philandering rope. At 45, he finds himself at a mid-life crisis of mythic proportions, wondering why he's still single, alone and still unable to settle down and commit to a substantial, meaningful relationship.

With nowhere else to turn, Scott has decided to fully surrender the next eight weeks of his life to a highly-regarded life-coach. This person will guide him on a grueling, soul-searching mission; forcing him to confront a laundry list of old flames in order to hopefully get to the heart of his lonely heart condition.

Each episode, he will have to confront another chapter from his semi-sordid past, by actually reconnecting with some of his most substantial and combustible flames in order to get the bottom of his bad-boy behavior.

With the help of his long-time pals, Scott will be able to successfully sift through the wreckage of his past, and endure an assortment of life-altering activities, (including abstinence), in order to finally earn the chance at actually maintaining a meaningful, stable, healthy relationship.
Well, I'm not 45 years old, not yet, but one thing I have learned is that ... people don't change.

Saturday, July 07, 2007

Wondering Around On 7/07/07

I wonder how people who are addicted to gambling are reacting to 7/07/07. Are they feeling luckier, for some irrational reason?

I wonder if casinos are busier today.

I wonder if more people are playing the lottery today.

I wonder if more people are getting married today, because of the lucky date.

I wonder if women are being induced into labor today, just to get the special birthday for their soon-to-born child.

I wonder if more people are "getting lucky" today, and thinking that perhaps today, there is more sexual intercourse going on than in any other day in the entirety of human and world history.

I wonder if anybody is actually reading this.

A New Plan For Fans

Before the baseball season began, we here at The Cup of Joe predicted that Barry Bonds would break Hank Aaron's home-run record on July 19 against the Cubs, which at the time was way earlier than conventional wisdom. Now, with Bonds needing only four more homers to tie, we're sticking with this prediction.

However, we are changing our minds on one thing. In an earlier entry, "This Plan Is For Fans," we suggested that Bonds, upon breaking the record, be greeted with a chorus of boos worthy of the worst cases of Roid Rage, and that he be hissed at in sort of the same way Glenn Close was at the end of Dangerous Liasions.

But now that he's closer to the record, we've changed our thinking. Let him break the record. Give him credit. Not cheers, necessarily, but credit. Stop the game for a minute. Or two. Let him wave and acknowledge the crowd.

And then restart the game, quickly, and get back to business.

Gonorrhea and Big Brother 8: When Exes Attack

Big Brother 8 aired for the first time Thursday night on CBS, and two gay men who had a bitter breakup were reunited, unexpectedly, as "houseguests" for perhaps all summer. Oy.

The one guy, Dustin, called his ex a habitual lyer with nipples the size of pepperonis, while the other guy, Joe, accused his ex on national TV of giving him gonorrhea. Oy.

And by "Oy" I really mean "this is good TV."

To explain this vituperative behavior, what other evil deeds did these two inflict on each other? Did Joe steal Dustin's dance space on the box at Berlin during Madonna night? Was Dustin sneaking around on Joe by singing Sunday showtunes with other men at Sidetrack? I guess we'll find out.

So I have a question for Chicago readers/Big Brother watchers or other people whose name might be Johnboy and who just moved from Chicago: Which of these two is most likely to take bitchiness to Defcon 1?

Here's one blogger's take on it. He's not kind to Joe, and after one episode, I tend to agree.

... I just hope that both Dustin and Joe remember that, more often than not, you are what you hate.


Friday, July 06, 2007

Mini Movie Review: Malade

... At least that's what they're calling it in Quebec, where the photo at right was snapped on rue Sainte-Catherine.

Here in 'Merica, they're calling it "Sicko." And we here at The Cup of Joe are calling it outstanding.

At TCOJ we happen to know a lot about the health care system in this country, so we don't agree with everything in the movie. However, don't let some of the critics of this movie throw up irrelevant smokescreens or (surprise) scare tactics or fear-mongering as a way of diverting attention from the real issues. In the big picture, Moore is absolutely right.

This is probably Michael Moore's best movie in quite a while, and a movie with perhaps the greatest possibility of truly making a political difference by influencing people.

There were two 18-year-old girls sitting next to Wally and me at the movie, and they clapped at the end. Ah, youth: They are our future. And, had they been old enough to vote in the last election, I can't imagine them voting Republican, and especially not for Bush.

The tide is turning in 'Merica, at least on the legislative and (soon) executive side. We are, however, stuck with the Bush Supreme Court for the next two decades.(Feel free to pop an anti-depressant now, if you have prescription drug coverage.)

Speaking of fear-mongering:

A Targeted Coffee Review

I don't shop much at Kmart, not when there's a Target within walking distance. But I recently found myself inside my neighborhood's closest Kmart, on a mission to buy ... coffee.

They didn't have much of a selection: lots of instant stuff, and (perish the thought) flavored coffees. The coffee that looked best, however, was the Folgers Gourmet Selections. Yum! It's been hand-selected by some guy with a thick manly moustache and a cool accent who is an all-around great family man, right? Sounds delicious, right?

Only if you define delicious as "stale" and "not overly flavorful."


An explanation? I bought the coffee a couple days ago, and just noticed that the stamp on the label says "Best By 6/2007." Kmart sold me expired coffee.

Next stop: Target.

I don't think I'll bother with the Folgers hotline -- 1-800-275-1967 -- though I love calling Call Centers and figuring out whether Hal is really Haji, and whether the call is from Idaho or India.

Wait and See: Big Brother 8

Coming this weekend: A review of the first episode. I know three people who watched Big Brother 7 who said they're not watching this summer. I'm taking a wait and see approach before it gets locked in on my Tivo.

Thursday, July 05, 2007

Morning Joe

On his MSNBC show this morning, Joe Scarborough made it clear that he believes in global warming. But it didn't stop him from giving one of the oil-company-funded "lobbyists" against global warming a huge chunk of time on his show.

Here's a snippet from the guest: "Carbon dioxide: You call it pollution, we call it life."

The guest also used smokescreens -- such as a New York Times editorial from 30 years ago, which warned of an ice age -- as "proof" that the current talk about global warming is a bunch of hooey.

Huh? The Times editorial is not really evidence to disprove global warming, but it is what I'd call a smokescreen to deflect discussion of the real issue.

Wednesday, July 04, 2007

Impeach Bush?

Last night, in a special comment on Countdown With Keith Olberman, Olberman again suggested that George Bush should be impeached. This action could lead, eventually, to his removal from office.

And then we'd have President Dick Cheney? Truly Scary.

I was against the impeachment proceedings against Bill Clinton, and I tend to be against this for Bush, too, even though I think history will record Bush as a complete disaster, who stretched the truth to lead us down dangerous paths, and one who possibly used "extra-legal" means in the pursuit of his agenda.

I would, however, like to officially start the Impeach Cheney process as soon as humanly possible.

Monday, July 02, 2007

Things I Find In My Basement


Recently discovered: One Commander Adama collector's glass, 1979. Condition: Distressed. Purpose: Celebrating the leader and commander of the original Battlestar Galactica.

"His daring and exciting role includes plotting the escape from the vicious Cyclons through outer space to seek peace on Earth," according to the copy on the back of the glass. "He is depicted as a colossal man of war in numerous breath-taking experiences."

True or false: Everything tastes better from a glass with a picture of Lorne Greene on it.

Answer: Absolutely true!

My Five Favorite Characters From The Simpsons

I hate having to pick, but here goes:

1. Chief Wiggum.

2. Ralph Wiggum.

3. Moe the bartender.

4. Homer.

5. Any character that begins with the word Sideshow.

Now, YOU can create your own Simpsons character here.

Sunday, July 01, 2007

A Pictorial Review of My Weekend

8:02 p.m., Saturday night.

11:50 p.m., Saturday.

3 a.m., Sunday.

5 p.m., Sunday.