Don't Stall On This Purchase

My computer has been down since my last post earlier this week on Trent Lott. This explains why I haven't written a post about the Christmas season's hottest new toy: The Sen. Larry Craig Action Figure.

More here.

More later.

Trent Lott on the Gays

Sen. Trent Lott reportedly once compared gays to alcoholics and kleptomaniacs.

"It is [a sin]....You should try to show them a way to deal with that problem, just like alcohol ... or sex addiction ... or kleptomaniacs."

-- U.S. Sen. Trent Lott, Associated Press, June 15, 1998. (Source.)

Takes one to know one?

Maybe Larry Flynt and his website Larryflynt.com might have more information to answer this question a little later this month?

Again, I don't know whether these rumors and accusations are true. But I do know that U.S. Sen. Trent Lott, based on his career in the Senate, has an anti-gay voting record that is at least as good as that of U.S. Sen. Larry Craig.

Proving an Old Adage?

Heavens to murgatroyd: The gay blogosphere today is ON FIRE pointing to rumors of a certain conservative Senator potentially having a gay rent boy on the payroll, and he wasn't exactly doing just light filing, if you know what I mean.

I won't mention the name of the Senator here, and I don't know if it's true or not, but let's just say that if it is true we wish the good Senator from Mississippi lots of great "gay rent-boy sex" in his just-announced retirement.

And if it is true, it just goes to prove: "You are what you hate."

More here and here and here.

One more thing: Although I'm certainly not convinced yet about the truth of all this, I'm not surprised either.

Taking Your Credit Card to the Max

If you've ever shopped at T.J. Maxx or Marshalls, and I'm admitting neither, despite that new shirt I was wearing just the other night that just happened to be a brand name for less purchased at a certain store that I don't want to discuss right now, you'll want to read or watch this Leslie Stahl report on credit card fraud. It aired last night on 60 Minutes.

I wonder if Leslie has ever bought an outfit at TJ Maxx?

Monday Quick Question

Could somebody please upload the recent "The Opal Show" clips from The Simpsons to YouTube?

I wonder what Oprah thinks about the parody. Opal's boyfriend on the show is "Sraightman."

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My DSL has been out, off and on, for the last week. I'm hoping TCOJ is back to "normal," whatever that is since I'm rarely referred to as normal, early this week.

Mr. Whipple: No Longer Squeezing the Charmin

Ninety-one-year old Dick Wilson, best known as Mr. Whipple, died today. More here.

And below:



"Don't Squeeze the Charmin." ... "Irresistibly soft."

... I wonder how psychoanalysts would deconstruct these iconic ad phrases (and metaphors for sexual repression).

My Five Favorite Gay Fictional Characters

The below post is from March, reposted in light of the death of Mr. Whipple:



1. Snagglepuss.

2. Legolas and Gimli Son of Gloin from Lord of the Rings. They were secret lovers, right?



3. Mr. Whipple, who rumor has it secretly LOVED to squeeze the "Charmin."




4. Schroeder. (Like my guy-pal Wally, he has blonde hair and can really tickle the fingers.)

5. Morris the Cat. (Based on the below video evidence.)

(Just narrowly missing the list: Velma from Scooby Doo.)



PART OF A CONTINUING SERIES (Click FIVE FAVS in the Labels)

For the complete "Mr. Whipple" posts, click Mr. Whipple in the labels.

Thirsty for Ratings

Don't ever say that "I'm dying of thirst" until you've seen this clip from Man Vs. Wild, a show on the Discovery Channel.

The Best Baked Snack Cracker in the World

Recently sighted at my favorite local supermarket: the all-new BIG Cheez-It baked snack cracker.

Branded as the only true "Dip-it! Top-It! Cheez-It" baked snack cracker, this may just be the best baked snack cracker in all the world.

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In unrelated news, I'd also like to announce a new sponsor for The Cup of Joe: BIG Cheez-IT, America's favorite baked snack cracker.

Just Thanking Just for Men

Twice in the last week, almost two decades after reaching the legal age, I've been carded while buying alcohol, at two different local grocery stores.

Thank you, Just for Men.

***

In unrelated news, I'd like to welcome a new sponsor to The Cup of Joe: Just for Men, America's favorite male hair-coloring agent.

Case Closed

Fred Thompson appeared on This Week With George Stephanopoulos this morning.

I liked him better on Law & Order.

Thonk-thunk.

Notes on D.H. and T.L.J.

When I see a certain actor act -- and I really don't want to give his full name, but let's just say his initials are D.H., his first name is Dustin, and his last name is Hoffman -- I more often than not don't see the character, and I usually don't buy it for a minute.

I see an actor playing a character. In fact, I get a nervous facial tick just thinking about the movie trailer for Mr. Magorium's Wonder Emporium, Hoffman's new movie. Somewhere in his career, Hoffman just totally lost me, and I always sense that he is all too totally aware of just what an awesome actor he is, and I suspect he might just be his own biggest fan. His cloying appearances at awards shows doesn't help.

It's an easy trap, especially for Oscar-winning actors who have been told for a long time just how good they are.

I suppose it's possible for me to have similar cynicism for Tommy Lee Jones, currently starring in No Country for Old Men, the new Coen brothers film that is every bit as good, and maybe better, than their Oscar winning Fargo. Jones has won an Oscar, and we've seen him play law enforcement officers in everything from The Fugitive to Men in Black. He has police and FBI and sheriff and law enforcement roles down to a science. Ho-hum and So what you might say, when you consider his new role as a sheriff in No Country.

You'd be wrong.

His performance as a small-town sheriff confronting a world that is changing in ways he can't understand or control may just be the best of his career, and I totally bought it from the first second he enters the screen.

No Country for Old Men may be the best movie of the year so far. The trailer is below.

Speaking of magnetic performances, the film also stars Josh Brolin and Javier Bardem. I wonder who decided that Bardem, in his role as the enigmatic and amoral Chigurh, should have a haircut that's a cross between Moe Howard and the Beetles? It's absolutely perfect, and this character is a sociopath that ranks with Hannibal Lecter, right up to the chilling final coin toss.

Oh, so good.

The Quiz That Could Save You From Watching the Debates

Whom are you supporting for president? Or, I should ask, whom do you think you are supporting for president?

Wally and I recently took a quiz at this link to find out which candidate we match up best with in terms of our values and opinions about everything from the War in Iraq to gay marriage.

Wally's computer-generated top pick, based purely on his answers to the issues, was Mike Gravel, the former Alaska Senator who wasn't even invited to recent MSNBC and CNN debates. Wally had a 93 percent match with Gravel, who says what everybody really thinks and then gets criticized for it and is characterized as a loon.

And my pick, based on the data and with an 87.69 percent match, was Dennis Kucinich, the same man who wrote the following sentence in his book "A Prayer for America":

Spirit merges with matter to sanctify the universe. Matter transcends, to return to spirit. The interchangeability of matter and spirit means the starlit magic of the outermost life of our universe becomes the soul-light magic of the innermost life of our self. The energy of the stars becomes us. We become the energy of the stars. Stardust and spirit unite and we begin: one with the universe; whole and holy; from one source, endless creative energy, bursting forth, kinetic, elemental; we -- the earth, air, water and fire-source of nearly fifteen billion years of cosmic spiraling.

I couldn't agree more!

For both of us, our top computer-picked candidate in terms of the Top 3 -- Clinton, Edwards and Obama -- was Obama.

What I can say is that though I haven't made up my mind about who I'm voting for, it won't be Mr. Kucinich, even though I seem to agree with him the most.

I'm leaning toward a certain Senator from Illinois, but I need to think about it further.

***

Other fun facts:

* Of the Republicans, I matched up most closely with Iraq war opponent and Libertarian Ron Paul (40 percent)
* My four least-compatible Republicans were Duncan Hunter and Fred Thompson (6.15 percent) and Mitt Romney and the no-longer-running Sam Brownback (12.31 percent).

I'm betting the 12 percent match is for Mitt's current stand on the issues, as opposed to his stand when he needed to get elected in Massachusetts, a time in his life when he didn't have to beat up on gay people to garner voter-interest in his candidacy.

Scratching the Seven-Year Itch

Last night was the season finale of Curb Your Enthusiasm on HBO. The plot revolved around a bar mitzvah, a gerbil and anal itching.

I won't reveal anything about the shocking final 30 seconds, other than to say it's been building to this point all season long, and it's an absolute howl.

Fake-Tit-Wearing Principal Arrested

Image you're still in high school. Catholic High School. And you find out that your principal was just arrested for prostitution. While dressed as a woman. A woman in leather. Wearing plastic titties. And fishnet stockings.

And there's video of it.

Oh my.

***

In fairness to the principal. the arrest was made on Oct. 30, so it could have been a Halloween costume, right? And he could have been in the part of town known for drugs and prostitution because he got lost, right?

Right?

It's possible.

My Future

Years from now, when I'm in a home somewhere, or when I'm on the news because I've wandered away from a home somewhere, people will ask me a question or tell me a story and I will return this attention with only a blank stare.

But I swear there are some things that I believe will always get a response from me, no matter what the state of my central nervous system, things and ideas and memories and stimuli that will hearken back to a time when memory still lived.

For example, Wally's cologne. Or his poodle's breath. Our blue monkey.

The plaintive wales of a Siamese.

And also: This clip.

This clip, which I share again on this site because it is one of the funniest things I have ever seen in my life, because I've seen it dozens of times and it still makes me laugh, and I believe it still will make me laugh years after my memory (and most of my brain) has perished.

I also post it today in light of the luke-warm to bad reviews that Young Frankestein is getting on Broadway, having just officially opened.

I'd see it in a heartbreak.

Worst Kids Product Since Happy Fun Ball

A children's toy called Aqua Dots was recalled yesterday. One site describes the product as "date rape drug-filled toy beads."

I can't make stuff like this up.

It appears kids have been ingesting the GHP that is created during Aqua Dots Fun-Time. Watch the commercial for Aqua Dots here:



This may be the worst product since the Happy Fun Ball:



Don't doubt the power of Aqua Dots. Even though it is date-rape-drug-filled, kids love it.