Five Ways to Get Ralph Off The Radar

Ralph Nader, the man who helped ensure that Al Gore was not president on 9-11, and the same man who effectively helped to ensure that George Bush (in one of his first acts) would reverse everything Al Gore did as vice president on global warming by pulling out of the Kyoto accord, is considering running for president again.

Ralph seems to have a fun hobby: siphening off votes from Democrats so Republicans who are even further away from his ideals get elected and screw up the world. You know, as George Bush has.

We applaud Nader for his past triumphs and activism during, say, the 1970s; now, we want him to go away.

Here are five suggestions for what Nader can do in place of running for president and helping to elect another Republican:

1. Join the cast of Big Brother 8 this summer as the old guy that everybody likes.

2. Participate in board games with friends, family and loved ones.

3. Write a book detailing how Al Gore would have been a much better president than George Bush.

4. Write a book detailing how John Kerry would have been a much better president than George Bush.

5. Take up gardening.