Two Statements of Fact, and One Statement of Opinion

1. Linda Lavin from Alice turned 71 this month.

2. Linda Lavin is a year younger than John McCain.

3. John McCain reminds me of Mel.

'The Best Advice I Ever Got'

A couple weeks ago, on the day the stock market fell 777 points to what was then the LOWEST LEVELS EVER, a copy of the new issue of Fortune Magazine arrived on my desk. A major business leader was featured giving readers "The Best Advice I Ever Got." It's a regular feature.

Here's what she had to say. (Click to embiggen.)




Although I admire this spirit of optimism, it's also the same spirit that has me regretting that I didn't switch all the money in my 401K plan from stocks into something more stable, say a tangible physical commodity. Like Kitty Litter, dirty diapers or recycled animal feces "repurposed" as fertilizer.

***

This week the stock market again reached the LOWEST LEVELS EVER.

It's a reminder for people like our Fortune Friend pictured above that fearlessness sometimes leads to recklessness, and then we all lose.

Failure is an option, my friends. This is why we need to keep hope alive.

Deja Vu All Over Again

THIS happened to me this morning. Again.

Barack Obama: Reducing road rage and blood pressure all across America.

The Last Word: Kirk's Phaser is NOT on Stun

Below is a textbook case of a celebrity having to have The Last Word.

Really, who cares?

This Makes Me ... Sad

Sad for McCain. One reaps what one sows.

Sad for the woman who said this. Don't most of us have an ignorant relative or acquaintance (or maybe even friend) who would say the same thing? Can she help it if she gets all her news from Fox and believes everything read from a teleprompter and insinuated during a Sarah Palin stump speech?

Sad.

Two Things That Leave Me Speechless

... But for different reasons.

1) Don't watch the first video on a full stomach.

2) Watch the second video if you're still feeling sick from the first video and need some reassurance about the promise and hope of America.

'Mosquitos v. Mountains': Not a Supreme Court Decision

... But it was part of an answer during the evening gown portion of Sarah Palin's Miss Alaska appearance.

Ya Know, Marge, Roger Ebert is One Smart Cookie

Roger Ebert is one terrific writer. I've long admired his reviews, which I'd call "essays" rather than reviews since they're so much more insightful than your typical movie criticism.

Check out his non-political V.P debate analysis here. He works in some Fargo references that are just golden as he ponders whether Sarah Palin is more like police officer Marge Gunderson or car salesman Jerry Lundegaard.

Sarah Palin: 18,000 Tiny Cracks in her Credibility

Rudolph Guiliani just declared on MSNBC that Sarah Palin last night gave one of the best debate performances in U.S. history.

Perhaps he is hopped up on goofballs.

***

Two quick reactions about her debate performance:

* She ripped the mainstream media in her closing remarks, but it should be pointed out that it wasn't the mainstream media who gave incoherent answers during the Katie Couric interviews, it was she herself. And she still hasn't had a press conference, because she knows it will expose her serious lack of depth.

* Her answer about expanding the powers of the vice presidency "with a bit more authority" based on the constition was baffling, incoherent and a little scary.

"I'm thankful the Constitution would allow a bit more authority given to the vice president also if that vice president so chose to exert it in working with the Senate and making sure that we are supportive of the president's policies and making sure too that our president understands what our strengths are."

That's an exact quote. Decoder wheel not included.

Why We Need to Be Careful About Sarah Palin

Liberal blogs and mainstream publications such as the Wall Street Journal are reporting rumors about Sarah Palin's DISASTROUS performances in pre-debate simulations. Keith Olberman gleefully reports these rumors. Expectations are at an all-time low.

Be very careful, people.

Expectations are now so low that if she is "mediocre" or "mediocre to bad" instead of just "bad," the pundits will declare her the winner.

This is exactly what the McCain camp wants: lowever expectations.

So be very careful people. I have no doubt, in the format of this particular debate, in Palin's ability to 1) recite lines 2) inspire populist glee among a certain segment of fundamentalists and 3) look sexy.

She did it during the interview portion of the Miss Alaska competition, and she can do so, perhaps even skillfully, here as well.

Five Questions for Sarah Palin

1. Please explain the significance of Marbury v. Madison in American judicial history.

2. Compare and contrast lip stick with lip gloss.

3. If you had to choose between terrific smelling hair and hair that had the type of volume that would be the envy of the entire Wasilla City Council, which would you choose?

4. Among the following three choices, separate the sit-com from the infamous Supreme Court decisions: Plessy v. Ferguson. Bush v. Gore. Golden Girls.

5. Which Golden Girl do you think most resembles John McCain?

Let the Debate Begin

But don't underestimate Sarah Palin, cause I know she has some tricks up her sleeve for tonight's debate, like:

* Vasoline on the teeth is a terrific way to make the smile brighter.
* Lightly heating the eyelash curler with a hair dryer is a great way to make the eyelash curl last!
* Lipstick, lipstick, lipstick.

Just Pointing Out the Finger-Pointer

The below quote, emailed by a reader, is from an AP story on the economic bailout failure. "It just drives home the differing STRATEEGERIES of the two candidates," the reader wrote.

Within an hour of the House defeating the bill, Obama sought to calm fears by saying: "I'm confident we're going to get there, but it's going to be rocky." McCain issued a statement from senior policy adviser Doug Holtz-Eakin that blamed Obama and Democrats for the legislation's failure — even though more Republicans than Democrats voted against it.

I dunno about you, but I think you take the measure of a man not during good times but during terrible times. This is when people show you who they truly are. Would you want to work for someone who pointed fingers during a time of crisis rather than focusing on the immediate issue at hand? (I've been around people like this before, and it's dreadful, and these people are usually the biggest bonehead in any organization.)

And would you want such a person to lead the free world?

"Sincerely, Martin J. Sullivan"

In the last year AIG stock traded for as high as $70 a share. It's trading as of right now at $2.99 -- about the price for a gallon of milk.

Last week the stock was trading at a low of $1.25 a share, or about the price (sale price, I should say) of a can of Progresso Rich & Hearty Chicken Pot Pie soup.

So, in advance of this collapse, what were its investors told? I pulled the below from the AIG annual report, which you can read here. We'll just let these words speak for themselves, with no further comment.









One more thing: Forbes listed Sullivan's CEO compensation at $11 million. And when he left the firm earlier this summer, he was reportedly paid out a $47 million severance package. No doubt about it: One could buy quite a lot of Progresso Rich & Hearty Chicken Pot Pie soup (and deflated AIG stock) with that sort of coin.

Heckuva job, Marty.

McCain-Palin

Let's review:

1) John McCain suspends his campaign and now doesn't want to debate Obama on Friday and he draws the ire of David Letterman for canceling an appearance and then shows up at the CBS studios for a campaign interview (for the campaign he had just suspended) with Katie Couric instead.
2) The news comes just as Obama surges in the polls and Sarah Palin underwhelms during another Couric interview around the same time as the Palin "protection from witchcraft" Prayer Video surfaces. Meanwhile, bloggers like Andrew Sullivan continue to outshine mainstream media journalists like Couric by exposing serious misgivings regarding Palin's ability to tell the truth.
3) While this is happening, the National Enquirer reports about Palin's alleged marital infidelities (I personally don't give a boo about her personal life, though it would make her a complete hypocrite), and the McCain camp reportedly has suggested that the VP debate next Tuesday be canceled so he and Obama can debate Tuesday in St. Louis rather than Friday in Mississippi, as if four days' difference will give him (one of 100 U.S. Senators) the time to make the economy all better? It definitely does give him four more days to prepare, and Palin lord-knows-how-many-more days to prepare for the, ahem, "rescheduled" debate, if indeed it ever happens.

It makes one wonder.

Someone needs to ferret out some honest truth here. Where's Kitty Carlisle when you need her? Dancing and singing in heaven, I bet, where it no longer matters that her stock portfolio has hit the shitter and a former beauty queen from Alaska with a penchant for mistruths is the potential president-in-waiting behind a 72-year-old two-time melanoma survivor.

A Peek into the Crystal Ball: Five Potential Sarah Palin Moments

I'm not saying any single one of these things will happen ... these are merely five potential and unconnected future events, big and small alike, that I could imagine happening. You can let me know in the comments which scenario is most likely.

1. December 2010: Palin wins Dancing with the Stars

2. March 2017: VH-1 "I Love 2008" special premieres. Palin gets 30-second segment featuring jokes from several comedians I've never heard of, sandwiched between longer segments on Mad Men and Gossip Girl.

3. September 2013: A triumphant Vice President Sarah Palin cuts ribbon to officially open the Bridge to Nowhere and uses the occasion as a call to arms against the excesses of Big Government.

4. July 2009: Palin lands job as host of Trading Spaces, wins Mrs. America contest and unveils her new line of designer lipstick.

5. January 2021: Not having appeared to have aged a single day in the 11 years, 11 months and 4 days she has served as president, President Sarah Palin completes her second full term after having had succeeded the late President John McCain, whose tragic death involving a team of Alaskan sled dogs is still a frequent source of investigative reports and internet blog rumors, despite all assurances to the contrary based on the comprehensive 850-page Palin Report led by Secretary of State Todd Palin.

2008 Emmy Awards: A Pictorial Review