Ford Drops Dead

With former President Gerald Ford now dead at the age of 93, I wonder if FORD DROPS DEAD was the headline in the New York Daily News today.

This headline is, after all, a little more accurate and fair than the famous headline at right. Ford never, ever used the phrase "drop dead" when describing New York City -- and this headline probably cost him the 1976 presidential election.

Oh well, what are ya going to do?

My condolences to Betty.

And with 2007 ALMOST here, my wish for the country? A president from the Midwest who came from modest means, whose grandfather wasn't a Senator, whose father wasn't a president, a good and decent man, a man who never really had the ambition to be president, a man who, even after years in politics, lived in a modest middle class home right up until the day he moved into the most famous white house in the world.

I'm talking about Harry Truman. And Gerald Ford. Two midwestern accidental presidents who both left the world on the day after Christmas.

Stunning News From Michigan

Click here.

Effie-ing Great!

There is not a straight man in America who will get through both of the below videos.

And I suspect that male readers who consider themselves merely "bi-curious" may get only about halfway through each video.

It's your loss.

So with Jennifer Hudson drawing well-deserved raves for her turn as Effie in Dreamgirls, we here at The Cup of Joe have a question for readers. Which of the below show-stoppers do you prefer?

One more thing: Beyonce Who?

Private message for Elgie: Yes, honey,
I know you watched the whole thing.
Both of 'em. Twice.

UPDATE: Here's a link to the Beyonce Letterman interview.
She comes off as very likeable. And yes, she's good in the movie, too.

I'm Not Blaming Nick

Happy Christmas to all from The Cup of Joe. I think the screenshot pretty much sums up my wishes for you today.

Like Mrs. Brady on the morning of her Christmas solo, Wally still has a serious case of the sniffles. I've been wishing for a Christmas miracle, but with Old Man Gauer not manning the pharmacy today -- he drank way too much last night at Martini's -- it doesn't look good.

That Nick sure does pour 'em strong.

Thanks for reading. All my best to you and all you love this holiday season.

Some Ghosts From Christmas Past

I love the Internets. These old archived ads can be found in this cool collection brought to you by our friends at this link.

Merry Christmas!

Will Anybody Hear My Plee?

I hope Wally is reading this blog, because all I really want for Christmas is what I ask for every Christmas and never get: the world's finest butter beans.

NBC: Tara Connor is Not a Virgin,Bruce Jenner is Not a Ventriloquist

Last night, on the NBC show Identity, Miss USA Tara Connor publicly confirmed, as one member of the 12-member panel of "occupations," that she wasn't the VIRGIN. (This proud title wound up belonging to the Asian guy wearing the Linus sweater.) She also confirmed she wasn't a GUITARIST, a FIRE EATER or a CRUISE SHIP PERFORMER, although after looking into my crystal ball I certainly wouldn't bet against the latter.

Other highlights from last night's show:

* The contestant was unable to recognize Jerry "Leave it To Beaver" Mathers as the FORMER CHILD STAR. This may have been because The Beav looks a little bit more like Lumpy Mondello nowadays.

* Are you Tara Connor? On the contestant's first guess she chose the HAS FIVE KIDS woman as the most likely person among the 12 on the panel to have the grace, poise and beauty one would expect of MISS USA 2006. (This must have been a little ego-bruising for our favorite gal-pal in the swimsuit. It also probably means this show was taped before Tara kissed a girl and Trump called a press conference and made her a household name.)

* Earlier in the show, a different contestant was unable to recognize "Skating With Celebrities" sweetheart (and former Gold Medalist) Bruce Jenner, incorrectly guessing (and I'm not kidding) that he was a VENTRILOQUIST. I'm pretty sure the contestant would have gotten it right away had Bruce been described as PLASTIC SURGERY VICTIM.

And who is the shirtless guy at right? He's a U.S. MARINE. I'm only including it because this site draws more visitors whenever I use the phrase "shirtless marine."

Desperately Seeking Dawna

One year ago tonight, Dawna Stone was selected by Martha Stewart to be her apprentice. The stunning news came after a thrilling 16-week job interview in which applicants competed in tasks testing their ability to succeed in upper management, such as picking out napkin colors and deciding which flavor of punch to serve at parties.

If you don't remember the details, Dawna received a one-year-employment contract worth $250,000 at about the same time Martha got her cancellation notice.

Now that 365 days have passed, this has me worried because Dawna may be looking for a job right about now.

If anybody has the current location or whereabouts of MS-Apprentice winner Dawna Stone (or runner-up Bethenny Frankel), The Cup of Joe wants to know! What has she been doing for the last year? Has her contract been renewed? Did Martha's negative attitude about the quality of the contestants on the show result in a needs improvement checkmark on Dawna's six-month performance review?

By the way, here is a link to Dawna's bio on her website and another to her resume. Guess which three words appear NOWHERE on this bio or resume? You got it: 1) Martha, 2) Stewart, and 3) Apprentice.

One more note: Only 300 people have
watched this YouTube election commercial
featuring Dawna from October of 2006.

Tara Won't Be Gone With the Wind

Next year, Tara Connor will relinquish, on schedule, her title as Miss USA when a new young princess is given the crown by a panel of all-star celebrity judges, some of whom whose names I will recognize.

Before last week, that would have pretty much meant the end of this young beauty's time in the spotlight. After the new winner was crowned, it is very possible that the world would little note nor long remember the reign of Tara.

That is, until she (allegedly) took drugs, drank alcohol before turning 21 and kissed a girl.

In the era of Paris Hilton, Tara Connor is now a celebrity with staying power. And you can thank those sweet lesbian kisses.

No Rosey Scenario

In a move sure to excite much talk in the halls of American medicine and worldwide among thinktanks concerned with matters of public health, Donald Trump has put a public face on America's obesity problem by citing Rosie O'Donnell as a significant example of this growing epidemic.

In other words, he called her fat.

And ugly. And he thinks that all he needs to do is send a car, and a man, over to Rosie's pad and her girlfriend would ditch her "like that." Because there'd be a MAN there. Who wasn't fat. Or ugly.

He also makes clear in the below video that he is not bankrupt, as Rosie apparently has said, while provoking new questions about whether he'll file Chapter 11 under the terms of an apparent moral bankruptcy.

Klassy with a K!

HWAT??!: It's Getting Good Reviews?

Richard Roeper gave Rocky Balboa a glowing, affectionate review on Ebert & Roeper yesterday, as did the guest reviewer filling in for the recovering Roger Ebert. It also made the front page of USA Today today.

This has really piqued my curiosity about seeing the movie. But do I know anybody else who wants to see this film?

Speaking of Sly Stallone, here's an interesting tidbit here about his feud with Richard Gere, and how Gere supposedly blames Sly for all those gerbil rumors.

I'm not joking.

My Message for Time Magazine: Oh You!

I'm delighted to have been selected as among the 300 million or so winners of this year's Time Magazine Person of the Year.

That said, I still think it should have been Harriet Myers or a gay prostitute.

Saturday Night Live: Christmas Past, Christmas Present

If you haven't yet decided on what you're giving your lover this holiday season, you may want to watch the below video. I think I now have a couple ideas about what I'm giving Wally, my shining star, for Christmas.

Just Give Him His Golden Globe (and Emmy) Now

Comedy perfection!

Want to See Matt Do Matthew?

This one's for Wally, and features an impersonation of his favorite actor by one of my favorites.

Although Wally and I disagree over who possesses the greater talents -- Wally being a huge fan of Matthew McConaughey whereas I'm partial to Matt Damon -- thankfully we can agree that "Matt doing Matthew" is the type of TV that is making the Late Show With David Letterman better than ever.

And it's "safe for work," too, since this impression only involves the mere suggestion of near-nudity.

My Favorite Seldom Heard Nouns of Insult

Ne'er-do-well.

Mollycoddle.

Scaliwag.

Flibbertigibbet.

Hockey-puck.

***

Play This When You're Blue

A bit of trivia about the great Peter Boyle: Who was the best man at his wedding?

Answer: John Lennon. Boyle met Lennon through his wife, Lorraine Alterman, who was a reporter at Rolling Stone and a friend of Yoko Ono.

Boyle died yesterday at 71, one year shy of his 30th wedding anniversary.

The below clip from Young Frankenstein is two minutes and twenty-eight seconds of perfection. I've seen it a hundred times, and it will make me laugh every single time, and often out loud.

Question for America: Does the fickle audience in this clip remind you of anything?