Wall Street Journal Conservatives Have Bleeding Hearts For Libby

Now, if only these same conservative editorial and opinion writers could show a similar compassion for:

* Scientists who promote global warming.

* Democrats who promote national health care.

* Anti-war activists who decry that we went to war based on a set of lies and assumptions that are now crumbling like a smashed saltine.

***

Political Wizards Invited To Oz Party

This weekend, Dick Cheney, Scooter Libby and Scooter Libby's defense team are invited to my house for an Oz-watching marathon. I'll be serving light snacks, but please (I'm talking to you Dick) bring your own beer. And please, no firearms!

Also welcome to attend: any member of the Bush administration plus Sen. Pete Domenici, Alberto Gonzalez or any person in any way responsible for the firing of those U.S. attorneys who had the audacity to resist political pressures from the Bush White House.

Oz aired for six seasons and 56 episodes, so we won't get very far into the series this weekend. Maybe, by this fall, Mr. Libby and other members of the Bush administration will have plenty of not-so-free time to catch seasons 2-6.

***

More background on this Katrina-like disaster here and here.

Quote of the Day

"Ann Coulter needs publicity in the same way a tapeworm needs a large intestine."

-- Rachel Maddow, Air America Radio, last night on MSNBC

And make your voice be heard here.

Fox News Channel Thinks Anna Nicole Is More Important Story Than Walter Reed

"I made a check today of the Fox News website, and as of today, since this scandal broke, they have had exactly one video on Walter Reed, and 55 videos on Anna Nicole Smith during that period. So I think maybe the priorities are a little bit skewed over there."

-- Greg Mitchell of Editor and Publisher magazine, last night on Countdown With Keith Olbermann.

Hear the quote, and a really embarrassing comment by Britt Hume, in the below video:

Must-See TV For Scooter Libby

8 episodes. 8 hours. 3 Discs.

Question for his legal team: Wanna cut a deal?

I'm Not Beating Around the Bush

1. Dick Cheney has heart problems.

2. Dick Cheney just had a blood clot in his legs.

3. Dick Cheney could be facing some legal difficulties.

4. Jeb Bush needs a job.

5. Dick Cheney might wind up resigning for legal or health reasons.

6. Say hello to Vice President Jeb Bush.

If Dick Cheney resigns or is impeached, might some start beating the drums for a Bush-Bush one-two punch?

Colter-Geist is Not Worth Our Time

The world should really start ignoring Ann Coulter.

She deserves no more press until the day she shocks the world by uttering something truly insightful and real. Something not merely designed to sell books.

So, to all bloggers of the world, gay or straight: enough already about Ann Coulter!

... With one exception: Read this.

After this, let's stop spending so much time with this woman, OK?

Deal or no deal?

Coffee Wars End With Peace Treaty

Last week was Coffee War Week on The Cup of Joe, as previously mentioned in this short post.

Each day I would sample either Starbucks, McDonald's Premium Roast or (an addition late in the week, thanks to a reader) Burger King's BK Joe coffee-flavored product.

***

I was inspired to do this after Consumer Reports reported that in blind taste tests McDonald's was chosen as the best-tasting coffee among the three.

But not trusting Consumer Reports -- I'm still bitter about the CR-recommended Pioneer turntable I purchased back in 1987 -- I wanted to see for myself. Here are the results of my investigation:

Burger King

The BK Joe Turbo Blend had a full body with virtually no acidity. Nutty, and with a refreshing and surprising brightness, this smooth and rich blend had a haunting suggestion of butternut and caramel in the mid-palate, teetering just on the edge of The Forbidden Zone, a place where flavored coffees are sent to die after being given to coffee drinkers as Christmas presents.

Moreover, all the senior citizens at Burger King, who had been drinking the same cup of coffee for between five and nine hours, seemed delighted in the blend as well, including the hobo outside who was collecting coins for more Turbo blend. (This hobo, incidentally, was last heard mumbling something about Turbo blend being a diuretic, and how he should really have his name promptly removed from the state Attorney General's special Internet list.)

On a celebrity scale, I rate the caffeine kick as JIM CAREY-like in terms of generating the type of coffee buzz craziness one demands. You sure won't feel like you're doing time on maple drive if you select this flavorful cup of coffee-flavored hot water. Final rating: 3.75 out of 5 coffee cups.

McDonald's

Rich, smooth and nutty doesn't just describe that One Guy at work who's on disability. It also describes the new McDonald's Premium Roast coffee. Not elegant, but still flavorful and mysterious, this coffee has an earthy aroma and a well-balanced flavor profile. The best food pairing for this coffee are the "greasy sausage patty with fried egg and cheese on biscuit," or a "lingonberry crepe in a lemon-butter sauce."

The McDonald's crowd, too, seemed to enjoy the Premium Roast coffee, as betrayed by an occasional twinkle and glint in the otherwise icy and vacant forward stares of the McDonald's Silver Hairs who, like the Burger King crowd, had been drinking the same cup of coffee for several hours while complaining about the government.

On my celebrity scale, I rate the caffeine kick as TOM CRUISE-like in terms of generating the type of manic productivity at work that could frighten co-workers, especially those on disability and senior citizens. After drinking this coffee you'll be jumping up and down on a couch as if you've seen the face of Oprah. Final rating: 4 out of 5 coffee cups.

Starbucks

My favorite (and longest) blog post last week was a Starbucks Sumatra-blend-induced spasm concerning Elisabeth from The View, J.C. (as in Jesus Christ and James Cameron) and George Bush. Starbucks wins.

My Starbucks visits included bold and light selections all week. Yet no matter what, all the coffees had a full, syrupy body with a medium level of acidity. Our favorite was the concentrated spicy and herbal notes and earthy aroma that are the telltale signatures of Sumatra blend, which did not disappoint.

Not even this delicious coffee could be spoiled by the overly friendly (and possibly slightly retarded) Starbucks employees, who for some reason seemed to think I had the remotest interest in engaging them in any conversation other than: "Where's my coffee?" or "Just give me my coffee." Best food pairing: Any Starbucks pastry that miraculously happens to still be fresh.

On a celebrity scale, I rate the caffeine kick as ROBIN WILLIAMS-like, but not the post-rehab Robin Williams. I'm talking about the coked-up and "in a manic phase" Williams. The Mork and Mindy Robin Williams who used to suffer near-heart attacks while being interviewed by Johnny Carson on The Tonight Show. Final rating: 4.5 out of 5 coffee cups.

Believe me, that's one good cup of Joe.

***

War may be hell, as Gen. William Tecumseh Sherman told us, but Coffee Wars can be kind of fun, in a jittery, "I'm annoying all my co-workers and Wally" type of way.

Speaking of Sherman, some historians theorize that Sherman was bi-polar, and that the burning of Atlanta was the result of a manic phase in the general's manic-depressive illness.

Maybe Sherman just had too much Turbo Blend.

***

The 1/2 Hour News Hour

The new show The 1/2 Hour News Hour, which is supposed to be the conservative version of Comedy Central's The Daily Show, aired again tonight on the Fox News Channel. It ended at 23 minutes after the hour, which means that it's really the "23 Minute News Hour Cause We Couldn't Find Enough Unfunny Material to Fill a Full Half-Hour."

Here's my original review of the show when it first oozed on the airways a few weeks ago.

This second show was even worse than the premiere episode, if you can imagine this being possible. And once again the shrillest harpy in the history of shrill harpies, Ann Coulter, showed up in a comedy role as Vice President Ann Coulter.

You may remember Ann: She indirectly called John Edwards (a family man and devoted husband) a faggot the other day. Lots of media outlets covered her remarks. The blogosphere was all lit on fire.

Can't we just start ignoring her?

It is only news if this woman one day says something remotely insightful.

If you missed the show tonight it featured jokes about global warming, Jimmy Carter, the Dateline NBC "To Catch A Predator" Series and the CBS Evening News with Katie Couric. In other words, the object of ridicule has to be "enemies of Fox" -- either Democrats or perceived "Democratic" causes like global warming, or competing networks to Fox that are going for the same viewers (and hence the same ad revenue).

I really have nothing to add from my original review, other than say that this show is such an insult to my thoughtful conservative friends who are witty, intelligent and funny, and who do not by necessity demonstrate the uncritical, dronelike adherence to All Things Bush that is such a Hallmark of the Fox Noise Channel.

***

HELP! My Yoga Studio Smells Like Poo

Lately, the mantra I've been using at my yoga studio is: "I wish my yoga studio didn't smell like poo."

The problem is that a toilet on the main floor of the studio, and sometimes one on a second level, seems to be chronically out of order. And even when the bathroom is "in order," I've noted that these bathrooms always smell like poo.

Now, don't get me wrong: I take absolutely no issue with a bathroom smelling like poo, since this is what bathrooms are used for: to poo.

But because yoga is an ancient art of meditation that fundamentally involves the act of breathing, I have to publicly call out my yoga studio when the scent of poo is so strong that it lingers like that One Guy who wasn't invited to and won't leave your Christmas party.

Could somebody light a vanilla candle, please?

Things I've learned about doing yoga in a studio that smells like poo:

* I'd rather do yoga in a studio that didn't smell like poo.

* You can't hold your nose in a yoga class when the instructor is constantly telling you to breathe in and out, especially during "Lion's Breath."

* "Downward Facing Dog" would be more relaxing if I wasn't smelling poo while doing it.

* "Happy Baby" pose takes on new meaning when the yoga studio smells like a diaper.

It's A Wonderful Movie

People who know me know that I love the movie It's a Wonderful Life (1946), and like to quote from it from time to time, much to the annoyance of my friend Missy.

But what they may not know is that my favorite film of the 1940s is The Treasure of the Sierra Madre (1948), featuring two of the great film performances of all time: Humphrey Bogart as Fred C. Dobbs and Walter Huston as the old prospector.

One of the main actors in Treasure, a competing prospector played well by Bruce Bennett (whose real name was Herman Brix), died yesterday at the age of 100. He beat out Ronald Reagan to win the role as Bogart's nemesis.

In a long career Brix also played many others roles, including Tarzan in 1935. (He was the favorite to originally play the part, instead of Johnny Weissmuller, but was sidelined with a sports-related injury.) Brix himself was an athlete: He won a silver medal at the 1928 Olympics, played in the Rose Bowl and set world shot-put records. Here's a nicely written obit.

Had he been born a little later, say seven decades later, a man as handsome and multi-talented as Brix/Bennett would probably be a household name, showing up regularly in The Star magazine and on Perez Hilton's blog, and probably shirtless a lot of the time, giving Matthew McConaughey a run for his money.

***

Mexican Bandit: We are Federales ... you know, the mounted police.
Dobbs: If you're the police, where are your badges?
Mexican Bandit: Badges!? We ain't got no badges. We don't need no badges! I don't have to show you any stinkin' badges!

This is a classic piece of dialogue from the film, and often misquoted. It also proves that Fred C. Dobbs distrusts and fears Mexicans as much as Lou Dobbs does. Both also show similar levels of paranoia and have a keen interest in sharing their views on treasure and treasury securities with all who will listen.

***

TRIVIA: Can you name the young actor at right who plays the kid selling the lottery ticket near the beginning of the film? This child actor himself would wind up with a life almost as tragic as Dobbs himself.

***

Below is the trailer for The Treasure of Sierra Madre. Enjoy!

TV That Makes You Feel Uncomfortable

Some of the best TV shows in recent years have been ones with characters acting so embarrassingly irrational that it makes for uncomfortable watching. The characters in these shows have no sense of how ridiculous they are, and are usually immersed in a world where people say wildly inappropriate things out loud, things that in real life are usually left unspoken. It's funny because we all know people who act at least a little like these self-centered characters, even if they don't approach the same level of rudeness or cluelessness or outright stupidity.

It sort of started with Seinfeld, and in more recent years has found success on Curb Your Enthusiasm, Extras and both the British and American versions The Office.

I'm now four episodes into watching The Comeback, which only lasted one season (13 episodes) on HBO. It is absolutely cringe-inducing in satirizing show business, television, the nature of celebrity, Hollywood phonies and one extremely insecure former TV star.

This show is bulding to something, to some moment, in the last episode. And I can't wait to find out.

Why Gore (And America) Lost in 2000

Media hypocrisy ... Maureen Dowd ... and the mainstream media savaging (by ridicule) of Al Gore in 2000.

Mix it all together and you have exactly who holds at least partial blame for the ascendency of the worst president in the history of the United States.

Joe Conason, in a piece for Salon, seeks to answer the question: Why Do Journalists Suddenly Love Al Gore?

This is best thing I've read all week.

But whether we are talking about Ralph Nadar, Maureen Dowd (who used to love to ridicule Gore's pro-environment stances before they were the fashion), or any of the shouting head phonies on the cable TV news channels, nobody will acknowledge that they did anything wrong in their behavior running up to the 2000 election. Which means that nobody has learned a damn thing. And this thought is truly horrifying.

***

"Democracy," wrote E.B. white in 1944, "is the recurrent suspicion that more than half of the people are right more than half of the time."

This was certainly true in 2000, when Al Gore received half a million more votes than George Bush, who eventually was elected president by the Supreme Court, proving that Democracy is not the recurrent suspicion that more than half of the members of the Supreme Court are right more than half of the time.

Imagine what the world would be like if Gore -- he of moderation on many issues -- had won in 2000.

Would he have squandered the good will of the world following 9/11? Would he have ignored the intelligence warnings about bin Laden? Would he have sought to divide America along social issues? Would America be leading the world in environmental issues, health care and stem cell research?

Questions.

***

I realize (despite the headline) that Gore really didn't lose in 2000, and that he was elected by the people, as reflected in the popular vote, and that Bush was elected by a popular vote (5-4) of the Supreme Court.

Seven years later: Have we learned anything at all from this? Has it changed anything about our antiquidated electoral college? Do we still have ballot problems in communities all across the country, whether it's faulty touch-screen systems or too few machines at certain precincts (usually in the poor regions)? Do we even care that "swift-boated" is now not just a word, but a way of life?

Is this mic on?

***

Click here for a quote from somebody who did
learn something, and thoughtfully reflects on it.

Christmas Shopping In February

Pictured above and below: Christmas booty -- stuff to read, watch and listen to -- that was purchased on Feb. 25 with generous gift certificates received from friends and family, all of whom were helping me to celebrate Jesus' birthday.

So if you live in the tri-city region and want to catch an Almodovar or Scorsese flick, watch the Madonna concert, or listen to The Who's new C.D., let me know.

But please: Just don't ask me to read to you The Pillowman.

McCain In Perspective

Think about everything you've done since Sept. 11, 2001. Every birthday. Every holiday. Every vacation. Every party.

Before Lost and American Idol went on the air (2004 and 2002). Before the Patriots won the first of three Super Bowls (2002), and before the Red Sox and the White Sox won the World Series (2004 and 2005). Before the final collapse of Enron. Before Perez Hilton (and just about everybody else) had a blog. Before YouTube.

This is how long John McCain spent as a prisoner of war.

Imagine five and a half years, 1967-1973, in the Hanoi Hilton.

With his recent turn to the right, and his "pro-surge" stance on the War in Iraq, I would never, ever vote for him, but I sure do honor and respect what he gave up for his country.

***

You can watch his presidential announcement last night on the Late Show With Letterman over at CBS.com. LINK.

***

You can review what George Bush and his chicken hawk friends did to McCain in 2000 here. When members of the Bush Campaign Hit Squad ultimately meet their maker, I hope they show some regret for the repugnant way they smeared war heroes: McCain and Kerry.

***

Has 'Lost' Lost It?

The good people on the Lost island, as of last night, now have a car to drive. It's a Volkswagen van.

It's a cool van, but it doesn't hold a candle to the bamboo car Gilligan used to drive around on his island.

And because Gilligan's taxi was pedal powered, it really was a lot more environmentally kind.

Coming up next on Lost: A radio, and quite possibly a truth machine, constructed from coconut shells.

It's Coffee War Week on TCOJ

Results coming later this week.