'... I Call Everybody Faggy. Why Would Anybody Find That Offensive???'

After winning the Emmy for best comedy series just a few weeks ago, the third season of The Office is off to a very good start, with a funny season premier episode involving the outing of one of the office accountants. Clips below.

A new trend in TV series is the character blog. Characters from Monk, Grey's Anatomy, How I Met Your Mother and The Closer all have blogs. And if you've never read Dwight's blog, here's a link.

... And here's an extremely important link, which I have a sneaking suspicion that you just might need after watching the first clip.

Thought for the Day

They found the baby. THEY FOUND THE BABY!

Maybe MSNBC can start focusing a little more on covering the War in Iraq now?

Maybe?

Lost in Translation

Did you know that "a large proportion of the male homosexuals enjoy drinking each other's urine"?

Uh, yeah, neither did I.

What Would Jesus Watch?

For the last several days, I've been more than a little dismayed at the amount of time MSNBC (and many other media outlets) have dedicated to airing stories about the abducted baby in Lonedell, Mo.

Sure, it's an interesting story, but, in the news blocks I've watched, these stations haven't spent nearly as much time on either 1) The War in Iraq, including a particularly bloody day yesterday or 2) The genocide in Darfur, which in total has taken the lives, perhaps, of 400,000 people.

Good news: Although MSNBC is still airing frequent live updates from Union, Mo., it did (amazingly) do a segment on Darfur this afternoon. It was from a Today show "exclusive" with Nick Clooney, "activist and journalist," who also happens to be George Clooney's father.

Would they have given two whiffs about this story if the father of a celebrity wasn't involved? At least they are paying attention a tiny bit by re-running a report that already had aired on The Today Show. (I know MSNBC couldn't possibly actually send a reporter to Darfur, not with at least two reporters on the scene in Union.)

The segment immediately following the one on Darfur was titled "What Would Jesus Watch," complete with big screen graphic behind the anchor. It was about Christian-based films.

I'm not sure what Jesus would watch, but if he walked the earth today, I know he'd be a lot more interested in what is going on in Darfur that he would be in the type of piddle this network usually airs.

I also think he'd be a little disappointed in what certain Christian politicians do in his name.

My Fear of Pickles (And Mustard) Is Ruining My Life

Personally, I find this a little hard to swallow.

This School is HOT

When my kids are old enough to attend college, and if they are fortunate enough to get accepted, I know exactly where I want them to attend.

Rachel Ray's New Show

A few years ago, at the peak of its popularity, Who Wants to Be a Millionaire started airing four nights a week. This programming mistake basically killed the show that had saved ABC.

Contrast this with the producers of American Idol, who made the deliberate decision to air the show only once a year, starting in the cold winter months when you have a more captive audience. Last season, the show was more popular than ever. There's no reason to believe that this won't continue.

Having just watched the first episode of the new Rachel Ray talk show, I'd have to say that while Rachel may look like a million bucks, she is, as of 10 a.m. Monday central time, officially overexposed. Mark the time.

Sorry, sweetie pie.

Call Police If You See This Woman

... The phone number to call is in on the picture of the lottery ticket in my last entry.

MORE INFO HERE.

MSNBC: Scared of The Female Moustache

Yesterday, on MSNBC, there were frequent mentions of the abduction of a baby in Lonedell, Mo. What the cable news outlet didn't mention, and what's been frequently mentioned in local media accounts of the kidnapping, is that the suspect has a female moustache.

Why didn't MSNBC mention (during the period I was watching yesterday afternoon) the female moustache? Isn't this pertinent to the description of the suspect? There are not many women out there running around with moustaches.

If it were my child who were kidnapped, I'd want the information about the female moustache to be out there. In reporting, it's all about the who, what, where, when, how and (more difficult to answer) the why. In this case, the WHAT in terms of the suspect is "woman with female moustache."

I watched MSNBC again this morning. Reporter Michelle Hofland, reporting live from Union, Mo., had a three-minute segment from 9:01 CT to 9:04 CT that included questions from the anchor. Was the female moustache mentioned? No. They did another segment one hour later, and again there was no information about the female suspect's moustache.

Shouldn't we all be on the lookout for women with moustaches buying Lady Bics?

Yesterday, with the Powerball drawing close to $160 million, Wally and I decided to buy lottery tickets. We noticed that lottery tickets are now including information from Amber alerts on the ticket.

We were also pleased to learn that the lottery ticket did include all the salient information, including information about the suspect's female moustache.

I wonder if it's well-groomed?

Martha Stewart to June Cleaver: Drop Dead

In today's Wall Street Journal, Martha Stewart comments on some of her favorite portrayals of homemakers on TV -- "some of whom even helped teach her a few things," according to the article.

They are:

* Clair Huxtable, "The Cosby Show." "She's the first homemaker to truly balance home and a career," Martha says.

* Caroline Ingalls, "Little House on the Prarie." She had "steely resolve," Martha says. "Homemakers shouldn't be pushovers."

* Mr. Hudson, "Upstairs, Downstairs." "I polish silver with white cotton gloves to this day because of him," the paper quotes Stewart as saying.

* Alice Kramden, "The Honeymooners." Because she "managed a totally unmanageable husband."

* Lucy Ricardo, "I Love Lucy." According to the article: "Stewart favors the 'entrepreneurial' episodes, such as 1953's 'Million Dollar Idea,' where Lucy starts a salad-dressing business."

I think these are great choices, especially Mrs. Ingalls, but may I suggest two additional?

* Carol Brady, "The Brady Bunch." For never noticing the way Mike Brady would look at Sam the butcher. It's a good thing the Internet wasn't around then: Mike would have spent all his time in the den on gay.com.

* June Cleaver, "Leave it to Beaver." In the 1961 episode, where she caught Eddie Haskel masturbating with Gilbert Bates and Larry Mondello, she handled the situation with grace, dignity and steel-mitten resolve.

Clip The Wings On Those Broadway Movies

"Urban Cowboy: The Musical" ran on broadway for only 60 regular performances, and I was at one of them. It's the worst musical I've ever seen.

Although the music in the show is unmemorable, I do remember that the producers had worked in product placement for Anheuser-Busch. (The cowboys were swilling Budweiser during the bar scenes.) If the only thing you can remember about the show is its sneaky advertising, this is not a good thing.

My second least-favorite musicial is also based on a movie. "Sleeping Beauty" received its "world premiere" at the Muny in St. Louis in the 1980s. Truth be told, this is actually the worst show I've ever seen, but because it was meant as a kids show, I graded it on a curve. So it's the second worst.

So these pieces of terrible theater ... were both based on movies. This, today, is a trend on Broadway. The Wedding Singer. Dirty Rotten Scoundrels. Tarzan. Mary Poppins. The Lion King.

What can we look for next? "Shrek The Musical" will be coming in 2008, as will "Legally Blonde" next April. And DreamWorks has plans to bring the musical version of "Catch Me If You Can" to Broadway.

Might it not be better if these producers came up with something original -- the shows that will be remembered and sung 50 years from now? Would producers in 1975 have opted for musical versions of The French Connection and The Godfather instead of A Chorus Line and Chicago?

This week, in St. Louis, the world premiere of a new musical is taking place at The Repertory Theatre of St. Louis. And it is a completely original idea. The name of the show is "Ace." The show is now in development, and it's not perfect yet, but it's good. Very good.

This show has a terrific score and deserves a broader audience. Go see it.

If we support original shows like this, maybe we can help prevent "Silence of the Lambs: The Musical."

Or do you want "The Bridge on the River Kwai: The Musical?"

Heche Sasses With Letterman About Ellen

Oprah Winfrey's advice for people interviewing celebrities is to always ask the question you are really interested in knowing the answer to.

David Letterman did this on his show on Thursday night when Anne Heche was a guest for two funny segments.

So if you wanted to know if she and Ellen were still friends -- "define friends" -- and if she'll be promoting her new show "Men in Trees" on Ellen's show, you can read a transcript of their conversation below.

DAVE: What about Ellen Degeneris. Are you still in touch with her, do you --

HECHE: -- I am so glad you asked, Dave. I've been dying to talk about this.

(LAUGHS)

DAVE: Ok. She has a show.

HECHE: (laughing) I'm actually going home to be on her show tomorrow, which is interesting.

DAVE: You're going to be on her show?

HECHE: Everyone wants me right now.

DAVE: Wow, that's exciting.

HECHE: No, I'm not going to be on her show.

DAVE: You're not going to be on her show?

HECHE: NO, I don't think I am.

DAVE: That would be quite a show. I think people would --

HECHE: -- I think people would tune in, yeah. I, uh --

DAVE: Yeah. Are you still, you must be friends, probably, friends right?

HECHE. Uh, friends. (PAUSE) Define friends.

DAVE: Well, friendly.

HECHE: I have run into her and we have been friendly.

DAVE: Yeah, well that's good.

HECHE: Yeah, sure.

DAVE: That's very good.

HECHE: Are you friends with your exes? (LAUGHS)

DAVE: Wow. Uh, uh. (LAUGHS)

HECHE: Do you like when people bring it up? Do you enjoy a conversation, a nice conversation about a couple of your exes, cause I have some names. (she smiles, Dave laughs.) ... No?

DAVE: Well, I see. You make an excellent point. (Dave laughs)

HECHE: Thanks, Dave.

DAVE. But, but you know what it is? --

HECHE: -- What is it?

DAVE: -- Well, it's just that I, uh ... I love lesbians. (laughter and applause.)

HECHE: I can see that.

Dave really is fascinated with lesbians. Remember his interview with Dick Cheney's daughter?

Read the Tom Shales Washington Post review of Heche's new show here (he hates it), and the New York Times review here (the reviewer doesn't hate it as much as Shales).

Maybe I Just Need More Salad?

I'm sorry to report that we here at The Cup of Joe are feeling a wee bit under the weather today. I wonder if it has anything to do with my new all-spinach diet?

I wish I lived closer to the Ozarks, because right now I'm burning up, and could use a cool, refreshing dip in the Jacks Fork River.

Could somebody, anybody bring me over some raspberry vinaigrette? My head hurts too much to leave the house, and I'm getting a hankering for some spinach dip, too.

But I'm Hungry Now

Do you want to eat at the best restaurant in the world? Make your reservations now, because they can squeeze you in 2056.

I wonder if it's better than Imo's pizza?

Necesito una mesa para dos personas ahora, por favor.

Dancing & Sitting Down Are The Same Thing

When Tucker Carlson was on CNN, and later on PBS, I kind of liked him: he was conservative, yes, but a thoughtful conservative who was not always in lock step with All Things Bush. He also seemed consistent in that if he opposed something, say the War in Iraq, it wouldn't have mattered whether it was a Democratic or a Republican thing, he'd follow some sort of consistent principles that transcended political parties.

Tucker is dancing to a new tune today. The few times I've seen his new afternoon MSNBC show, I've been embarrased as he has risen to a new level of parody-worthy self importance. So I can't watch the MSNBC show and the new sans-bow-tie Tucker; it's the type of piddle-disguised-as-news that we here at The Cup of Joe just have no patience with any longer.

So when I heard that Tucker was going to be on Dancing With the Stars, I was surprised because 1) I don't think he's a star; he's supposed to be a news anchor and analyst and 2) I couldn't possibly picture him dancing.

However, after watching Tucker last night on the ABC show, he's gained some major points back in my book. I think I prefer "Tucker the Dancer" to "Tucker the Self-Important Shouting Head on A Piddle-Riddled MSNBC Show."

Dance, Tucker, Dance.

... And He'd Make One Heckuva President

Cuz Little Richard tells it like it is:

Some People Aren't Warmed By Love

Do you think it's true that people give the type of gift that they truly covet themselves? I believe this to be true.

Twenty years ago, for his birthday, I gave my friend Bobby M a book of poems by Leonard Nimoy called "Warmed by Love." To this day, I regret that I didn't buy two copies, so that I could have a copy on my coffee table for all my friends to enjoy.

My friend Bobby M, however, keeps his copy hidden away, for no others to see, not wishing to share Mr. Nimoy's poetry, selfishly hoarding every metaphor, couplet, image and epigram for "him, himself and he." To what do we owe this conceit? Why be so miserly about Spock's stanzas, sonnets and similes; his use of assonance, anapest and alliteration?

This, to me, is selfish. Does Bobby M not understand the true lessons of Warmed by Love?