Alberto Gonzales Serves At The Pleasure of The President

I love The Daily Show!

Bionic Women Are Making A Comeback

When The Bionic Woman first went on the air in 1977, the Equal Rights Amendment was still a twinkle in the eyes of feminists, and personal expression meant burning bras or going bra-less instead of shirtless "Antonella Barba-like" titty photos on MySpace.

Things are different today for women. Our next president could be a woman. Nancy Pelosi is two male heartbeats away from the most powerful job in the world. This country's chief diplomat, Condoleezza Rice, is a woman.


I'm not really sure how much the changing role of women during the 1970s affected the Jamie Summers character or the creative process behind the original series, which brought us villains such as the Fembots. But it will be interesting to see how today's world will affect and shape a new 2007 Jamie Summers. For example, would it be a stretch to imagine the modern Jamie as a "Steve-Austin-less" lesbian?

DRUMROLL, please: If you haven't heard, NBC has ordered a pilot for a new, updated version of The Bionic Woman!

This original series ran from 1977 to 1979 on two neworks, and this modern update of a classic could possibly be on the fall schedule.

Will Jamie Summers still be a tennis pro? Will she still like sky-diving? Will Bigfoot make an appearance on the new show, or is Bigfoot sooooooooooooooo 1970s? Can we look forward again to the Fembots as Jamie's sworn enemies? Will Jamie still be trying to thwart the insane billionaire trying to destroy the world with a Doomsday device? Will Jamie like boys, girls ... or both?

There's much potential for this new show to be absolutely terrible in an absolutely wonderful way; I just hope the producers have the bionic vision for a 2007 show that could be as much campy fun as the original.

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Details From Variety.com

The Bionic Woman (NBC Universal TV Studio)
Exec Producers: David Eick and Laeta Kalogridis (writers), Bruno Heller
Cast: Michelle Ryan (as The Bionic Woman, pictured above), Will Yun Lee, Mae Whitman
Logline: Modern version of classic series

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Mexicans Are The New Irish

A Special St. Patrick's Day
Message for Lou Dobbs

Some of my best friends are ... Irish.

I'm blessed in this way. They have great Irish surnames like Flannery, O'Flannery and McFlannery. As I said, truly blessed.

Starting last weekend, and continuing this weekend (St. Patrick's Day is Saturday) and still continuing the weekend after that, I'll be celebrating St. Patrick's Day at pubs, parades and parties put on by various friends with great names like Patrick or Paddy, Seamus or Shane.

With so much love for the Irish during this time of year, it's easy to forget just how much the Irish in America used to be hated. Despised, really.

Let's review the history.

Around the middle of the 19th century -- say, roughly 1840 - 1860 -- there were lots of Lou Dobbs-like characters who were hell bent on whipping up hatred of Irish-Catholic immigrants for many of the same reasons that Lou Dobbs whips up hatred of Mexican immigrants (also usually Catholic) today.

Back then, the ire revolved around the competition these new immigrants posed for housing and jobs in America's Protestant-packed cities. There was also a strong anti-Catholic religious element as well. People were a-feared of the pope sticking his beanie-capped head into American politics via Irish-Catholic Democratic politicians (The 19th Century Teddy Kennedys, if you will.) The thought among the radicals was that Catholics sought to take over the United States and install the Pope as its leader, a sentiment so strong that JFK faced these same questions when he ran for President in 1960.

So just as Lou Dobbs is fearful of Mexicans today because they supposedly take good jobs (like picking lettuce) away from Americans, men like Dobbs in the 1850s pumped up a similar fever-pitch against the Irish, many of whom were fleeing the Irish Potato Famine and (also like Mexicans today) just trying to make sure their families didn't starve.

Back then, the anti-Catholic and anti-immigrant crowd had their own political party, The American Party, also known by other names, such as the Know-Nothing Party.

They were quite successful, as third parties go, including a presidential ticket in 1856 that included a former president, Millard Fillmore, who received almost one in four of the votes cast that year. (The gay guy, James Buchanan, won this race. And, as a sidenote, I wonder if the current anti-gay party, the Republicans, will look as foolish 100 years from now?)

Lou Dobbs probably would have been a Fillmore-button-wearing and card-carrying member of the Know-Nothing party had he lived back in the 1850s.

There is one big difference between the Know-Nothings of the 1850s and the present-day Lou Dobbs. These haters of yesteryear didn't reinvent themselves and go on populist rants just for want of better ratings, as Lou Dobbs has and does, since cable TV (of course) had not been invented yet. In any case, The Know-Nothings would have LOVED to have played hard-ball and engage in all the shouting that goes on on cable TV news programs. Like Bill O'Reilly and Lou Dobbs and Chris Matthews, they'd probably have top-rated shows.

So on St. Patrick's day, I want all my Irish friends to turn the other cheek. I want them to raise their frosty and frothy mugs, filled with green sudsy liquids, and to give a special toast to Mr. Lou Dobbs himself -- and to all of Mr. Lou Dobbs' ancestors who had the good sense to immigrate to this fine country.

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Suggested Toast for Lou: May the wind always be at your back, and may the windbag anti-immigration hysteria on CNN be kept to an absolute minimum.

Related: Gays Are The New Irish.

Gays Are The New Irish

Related: Mexicans Are The New Irish.

A Hawk Who Is Not a Chicken

Tomorrow, March 14, marks the 34th anniversary of John McCain's release as a prisoner of war.

His plane had been shot down five-and-half years earlier, on Oct. 26, 1967.

If you need to put these almost 2000 days as a captive in perspective, imagine having spent every waking minute since the fall of 2001 as a prisoner of war. This is what McCain has been through.

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Here's an earlier post on this same topic.

And pictured below: The guy who beat McCain in 2000 poses in a flight suit at a slightly less-heroic photo-op.

Bush White House Wanted to Say 'You're Fired' 93 Times

We learned this morning that the Bush administration considered firing all 93 U.S. attorneys.

I wonder what went wrong?

* Did these attorneys chose the wrong color napkin during a "create the perfect bridal reception" elimination challenge?

* Did they sell fewer bottles of gourmet salad dressing than the boys in the sheriff's office during a competition at an area organic food super center?

* Did they underperform in a competition involving creating a line of sexy new swimsuits?

Maybe these 93 men and women deserved to be fired? Without competitive skills in all these areas, especially the ability to create sexy swimsuits and kiss Karl Rove's political ass, they may not deserve these jobs that are so critical to the health and functioning of our beloved democracy.

After Ellen: An Amazing 10 Years

Four of the 14 remaining contestants on The Amazing Race "All Stars" edition are gay men. Having four gay men at a single time on any mainstream American reality TV show has to be a first of some sort.

Remember when there would be one token gay on these reality shows and that was it?

What is really amazing is the increasing frequency of gay people on television in the last decade.

Ten years ago next month, April of 1997, Ellen Degeneres came out of the closet in Time magazine and also on her show Ellen. Then her ratings tanked. And then she couldn't even get arrested after her show was canceled.

And now she has a top-rated syndicated show and is hosting the Oscars.

Despite the best efforts of Dick Cheney and Karl Rove, there is growing acceptance in this world for people like Mary Cheney and Karl Rove's gay father.

And Joe, and Bill, and Oswald, and Danny, and Ellen.

This type of progress in such a short time is extraordinary.

Think About This Closely

Antonella Barba, the cutie pie American Idol contestant known for both her skimpy internet photos and for having about 20 percent of Kelly Clarkson's vocal talents, is now the Number One searched phrase on Technorati. It's been that way for days, since she was voted off the show last week.

Also in the Top 10: Gay porn star/marine/conservative icon Matt Sanchez and singer Clay Aiken.

This might say something about American culture ... but I'm not sure what.

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An Enigma Wrapped in a Riddle

During the summer of 2005, straight guy Bruce Heffernan pondered a puzzlesome question in a widely circulated and cited "think-piece" that first appeared in the pages of The Onion: "Why Do All These Homosexuals Keep Sucking My Cock?"

Look, I'm not a hateful person or anything—I believe we should all live and let live. But lately, I've been having a real problem with these homosexuals. You see, just about wherever I go these days, one of them approaches me and starts sucking my cock.

Take last Sunday, for instance, when I casually struck up a conversation with this guy in the health-club locker room. Nothing fruity, just a couple of fellas talking about their workout routines while enjoying a nice hot shower. The guy looked like a real man's man, too—big biceps, meaty thighs, thick neck. He didn't seem the least bit gay. At least not until he started sucking my cock, that is.

Where does this queer get the nerve to suck my cock? Did I look gay to him? Was I wearing a pink feather boa without realizing it? I don't recall the phrase, "Suck my cock" entering the conversation, and I don't have a sign around my neck that reads, "Please, You Homosexuals, Suck My Cock."

I've got nothing against homosexuals. Let them be free to do their gay thing in peace, I say. But when they start sucking my cock, I've got a real problem.

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Matt Sanchez, the U.S. marine and FOB (Friend of Bill O'Reilly) who has a gay porn past, is apparently now saying that he's not gay, that he doesn't like gay sex and that the same holds true for ... all the men he's slept with.

LINK.

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My Five Least Favorite Attorneys

1. The guy who prosecuted Santa Claus in Miracle on 34th St.

2. District Attorney Jim Trotter III, who prosecuted the adorable Marisa Tomei in My Cousin Vinny.

3. John Milton, the managing partner in The Devil's Advocate, who also turns out to be SATAN.

4. Hamilton Burger, the prosecutor from Perry Mason, who seemed to have a knack for wasting taxpayers' dollars by only prosecuting innocent people.

5. Alberto Gonzales.

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They Think Lying is Fun

After blatantly lying to a midget at a key point in tonight's episode, and then later lying a second time about whether they had lied in the first place, reality TV "stars" Rob and Amber were elimated from The Amazing Race, finishing just behind America's favorite midget Charla and her cousin Mirna. Rombuh had finished first in the previous three legs of the All Stars editon of the show.

What can we, as humans, learn from all this? The important answer: Don't ever lie to a midget during a race around the world.

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Comedy That Doesn't Short-Change

Charla, the Armenian midget who has appeared for two seasons on The Amazing Race, including the current "All Stars" edition, makes a guest appearance as herself in Episode 5 of HBO's The Comeback.

In this episode Charla (a woman who, like Cher and Charro, has achieved a level of celebrity where she needs only one name) is the star of her own fictional reality series called "The Littlest Assistant" (Tagline: "Little Person, Big Dreams"), the concept of which is simple: each week she's a different person's "littlest assistant." Big dreams, indeed.

At one point during the episode, Charla, in a reality show contrivance (and as a way to cross-promote both The Littlest Assistant and The Comeback), has become the personal assistant for Valerie Cherish, the Lisa Kudrow character who is desperately trying to make a comeback after starring years ago in a sit-com that fell three episodes short of syndication.

Cherish is washed up, and she's hoping that her own reality TV show (along with her role in a new sit-com as a kind of ridiculous female Mr. Furley from Three's Company) will give her the same sort of fan base as today's new reality TV "stars."

About midway through the episode, Charla the assistant intentionally has the car run out of gas on the way to what is a very important lunch for Cherish. But Cherish, who will never be known just by her first name, isn't in on the plan. Charla knows it'd make "good TV."

The hijinx that ensue include Charla trying to cross an LA highway and running down the highway with a back-pack encouraging Valerie Cherish to catch up, just as she did with her cousin Mirna on The Amazing Race. Eventually, and as if they were on a race around the world, they chase down a public bus and Valerie is able to make her lunch meeting with an editor from TV Guide.

It's painfully funny. But it's also satire with a point.

Do most people know just how fake reality shows are? How producers script these shows and contrive situations all in the name of better TV?

It's not surprising that The Comeback was canceled after one season: This show may hit way too close to home for some in the TV industry. Think about it next time you watch Celebrity Fit Club. or that other show on VH1 whose name I can't remember, and for good reason.

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Here's my earlier mini-review of The Comeback.

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Jake Has A Killer Wardrobe

In the new movie Zodiak, Jake Gyllenhaal plays the nerdy (but gorgeous) newpaper cartoonist who becomes obsessed with a murder case. The character he plays is awkward socially, but unlike the geeky newspaper people I've run across in my life, he always seems well-dressed, with a timeless wardrobe, whether it's 1979 or 2007. His hair, too, is almost always perfect, so perfect that we could almost see the hair-stylist off camera ready to remedy the slightest suggestion of dishevelment.

It's as if the director is saying to Jake: Yeah, we want you to play geeky, but you need to look and dress in that dreamy and so Jake-like way so your fans (men and women) are not disappointed.

But this really makes no difference: Gyllenhaal pulls it off, despite the physical disconnects, and Zodiak is a really good (and entertaining) film. Watch the set decoration details closely. They're quite good, and sometimes quite funny.

If you see the movie, and I recommend that you do, read this afterward. It's an interview with the guy Jake plays, who probably wishes his hair could even approach that Jake-like level of perfection.

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Department of Injustice

Truly, truly scary.

The Eyes Still Have It

My second-ever post, after starting this blog on a whim last May, was About American Idol and its strange fascination with American Eye Makeup.

I'm pleased to report that the eyes still have it on the show, as male contestants have been showing up looking more and more like Katie Couric in recent days.

It's particularly alarming on a large-screen TV.

On last Tuesday's show, Sundance appeared all dolled-up with eyeliner, just like Taylor Hicks used to.

He seems like a really nice guy, this Sundance does. But his makeup artists make me want to shout.

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This is now Post 491. Thanks for reading.

Karl Rove and The Wood Chipper

QUOTE OF THE DAY, on the fired U.S. Attorneys:

"I think the signal is quite obvious. Remember, we are talking about here are people who are Republican appointees. These are not, you know, professional whistle blowers. These are the ultimate team players. And these are also people that are quite conservative and who showed a great deal of loyalty to the administration. What they apparently did not show was a type of lock step obedience that the Justice Department wants.

"And I have to say is that one of the more troubling legacies of the Bush administration has been the politicization of the Department of Justice. U.S. Attorneys are supposed to retain an element of independence. They're not supposed to be constantly looking over their shoulder to see if Karl Rove is coming on them with a wood chipper. They're really supposed to be able to conduct themselves in the interest in justice, not just in the interest of Karl Rove or in the interest of the President alone ... they serve justice; not him (the president) personally."

Jonathan Turley
George Washington University law professor,
and a constitutional scholar

Even without any other scandals in the Bush administration, this push for Activist Attorneys just might be the most troubling. In fact, it is incredibly scary.

Think about it, OK?

Sean Hannity and the Gay Porn Star

"You're a great American, thank you for your service to your country," Sean Hannity told ex-Marine Matt Sanchez on his Fox TV show recently, after Sanchez won the Jean Kirkpatrick Academic Freedom Award from a conservative group.

Well, it turns out that Matt Sanchez was giving service to more than just his country.

Sanchez is a former gay porn star and prostitute, something that Hannity and Bill O'Reilly probably didn't know when they were performing analingus (kissing his ass) on their shows the other day. Conservative harpies Ann Coulter and Michelle Malkin probably didn't know it either, when they posed for pictures with him.

If you want the full story connecting this gay porn star with Coulter, Hannity and O'Reilly, you can watch an MSNBC report in full below.

Or you can read about it here and here.

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My only complaint about the Olbermann report is that they could have had a gay blogger on to interview for the show -- one of whom I link to above -- but producers decided to interview on-camera a straight guy from Media Matters who found out about the stories by reading ... gay bloggers like Joe. My. God. It's sort of like having someone from the New York Times on to talk about a story first broke by NPR and other radio outlets. Why not go "straight" to the gay source?

If I were the segment producer for this story, I would have interviewed JMG for this report, if only because of his totally cool first name.



UPDATE: It also turns out that Sanchez used to date prominent gay blogger Andy Towle from Towleroad. LINK.

UPDATE TWO: Sanchez gives his side of the story to Salon. JMG gives an update, too.