Culture Warrior Fights Cute Teenage Lesbians

Memo to Bill O'Reilly: Teenagers (even gay ones) are Americans, too.

You might not know this if you watched his show last night, where he expressed his outrage over a "cutest couple" contest that selected two females at an Illinois high school as the winners.

Ugh.

I'll post the video later today if it hits YouTube.

Bravo!

Wally and I recently attended a Kathy Griffin comedy show. She talked for close to two hours straight through, and Wally pointed out that she didn't say uh once.

Uh, that's absolutely brilliant. I can't go half a sentence, uh, without saying uh. Do you, uh, know what I mean?

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Her latest stand-up special, using new material from her most recent tour, will air later this month on Bravo. "Kathy Griffin: Straight to Hell," a one-hour stand-up special, is set to air on Nov. 29. It was taped at a sold-out performance at The Chicago Theatre.

The show can be described in one word: hilariotous.

That is a word, isn't it?

Jesus, Mary and Joseph and the 12 apostles: I sure hope so.

Video Chering

A heterosexual reader of The Cup of Joe sent me this Cher video. Serious.

Don't you just love You Tube?



(Thanks for sending!)

Memo to the New York Times: Enough Already

John Kerry was unfairly labeled a flip-flopper during the 2004 presidential campaign, and it stuck. Americans seemed to believe this to be true, and subsequently the worst president in the history of the United States was re-elected, with a little help from the media along the way.

This photo at right appeared last Sunday in the New York Times. It ridicules John Kerry as being a flip-flopper.

Isn't this just awful, running this in 2007?

Isn't this just awful, dredging up this old photo, and reinforcing the bullshit stereotype of Sen. Kerry that Rove and the chicken hawks created?

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George Bush said he'd be a "compassionate conservative." George Bush also said he'd be a "uniter, not a divider." And Bush said he was a fiscal conservative yet has spent tens of billions of dollars on a war we didn't need to fight.

These aren't merely flip-flops: They turned out to be outright deceptions.

Bush is the quintessential flip-flopper. Where's the photo of him in a dolphin suit, and why isn't it on the front page of the New York Times "Week in Review" section?

George Bush -- worst president in the history of the United States. Yeah, that's the ticket.

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Veteran's Day is next Monday. I salute all veterans.

I salute John Kerry, and I salute John McCain, and I salute Max Cleland, and Al Gore, and George McGovern , and George Herbert Walker Bush.

But I can't salute service-dodgers like George W. Bush, chicken hawks like Dick Cheney and Tommy Flanagans like Karl Rove.

The News Out of Pakistan Unfortunately Isn't Fake

With all the worrisome news coming out of Pakistan -- a suspended constitution, a chief justice removed from his responsibilities, the likelihood of suspended elections -- I can't help but think of the lame, softball interview that the Pakastani President (Gen. Pervez Musharraf, who basically seized power in a coup years ago) received from Jon Stewart on The Daily Show in the early fall of 2006 when Musharraf was on a book tour.

I expected so much more of fake news.

Amazing Race: How Sweet the Sound

On this fall's Amazing Race, I'm rooting for the two ministers, Kate and Pat. They're pictured at right.

They just happen to be lesbians, too.

I think it's good for the American people to see that so-called "spirituality" and "values" are by no means traits monopolized by right-wingers who pass constitutional amendments banning loving same-sex couples from legalized committment.

Buzz Off

Before a single vote is cast, the media like to tell us who the presidential party nominees will be. They focus on the top two or three in each party and then pretty much ignore the rest, or treat them as curiosities by granting them an occassional Sunday morning interview while saving the real discussion and debate for other candidates. So this means that Hilary Clinton, Barack Obama and John Edwards are the only candidates the media really take seriously. On the Republican side, the "they're going to win" buzz has been limited basically to either Rudolph Giuliani or Mitt Romney as the nominees-elect. It's kind of annoying.

I can't imagine that Harry "I didn't go to college" Truman would ever excite much buzz among the media.

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In its most recent issue, Entertainment Weekly devotes two pages to the Oscar contenders this year, before many of these films are even released and before any widespread viewing of these supposedly Oscar-worthy performances. How do they arrive at these conclusions? I can only surmise that they do it based on publicist hype and cocktail party buzz. Silly. Maybe this is why less-well-known actors who deliver sterling performances in smaller movies (and who have "lesser" publicists) often fail to gain recognition or nomination?

How is this for an idea: Let's save the media Oscar buzz for after people actually see the films and the performances.

An American Master

I can't put it any better. From today's Boston Globe:

By the end of "Carol Burnett: A Woman of Character," you'll want to give the actress a big fat hug. Not a pity hug, just a well-earned warm embrace. The newest installment of PBS's "American Masters" portrays both a hugely likable and versatile performer and a heroic lady whose personal life has thrown her some nasty punches. The Burnett you'll meet in this 90-minute documentary is an American master, for sure - of comedy, and also of survival.

Tonight on PBS.



Here's some more observations from the New York Times:

Pardon the imitation of the thoroughly unlikable Andy Rooney, but why aren’t our joke tellers likable anymore? Margaret Cho or Sarah Silverman might make you laugh, but would you want either of them at Thanksgiving dinner with Grandma and the kids?

Of course not. Ellen DeGeneres? Maybe. But the comedian you’d really want at the table, still, after all these years, is Carol Burnett, subject of tonight’s “American Masters” installment on PBS, subtitled “A Woman of Character.”

Hands-On Police Officer Cops A Feel

At least it wasn't a "needle" stick.

Democratic Candidates Open Saturday Night Live

... Including someone wearing a Barack Obama mask.



Speaking of SNL, Brian Williams did a nice job as host.

World's Best Boyfriend

My lover Wally is a cog in corporate America middle management.

Because of this, he prefers to be communicated with (90 percent of the time) using only Powerpoint presentations.

He's a lot like my friend Timmy in this regard, who never communicates anything without the aid of a Powerpoint. This includes all facets of Timmy's life, including proposing marriage and wishing his wife a Happy Valentine's Day. Timmy even uses Powerpoint presentations when communicating his "I love you" talking points to his little girl.

"It's the best way I can communicate a consistent I Love You branding message for my little lady," Timmy tells me.

When Wally got home from work on Friday, of course I had dinner and his nightly Powerpoint ready for him the moment he arrived. The slide is below. I think my presentation went very well.

My Five Favorite Words to Add to The Dictionary

Each year, the Merriam-Webster Dictionary adds in new words that have entered the cultural landscape.

Earlier this year the dictionary announced the latest additions, which included “ginormous,” “smackdown,” “snowboardcross” and “speed-dating.”

Last year's new words included "google," "spyware," "unibrow," "drama queen," "soul patch," "ringtone," "biodiesel" and "gastric bypass."

I applaud all these choices, especially unibrow.

What are my five favorite words to add to the lexicon? Here goes:

1. Fuckwad. Usage in a sentence: "Man that guy in the unibrow is a complete fuckwad!"

2. Fuckface. Pointing: "Fuckwad over there is a complete drama queen!"

3. Shit-for-brains. "If you were to look up shit-for-brains in the dictionary, you'd see a picture of that fuckwad with a unibrow."

4. Honey-bunches-of-oats. No explanation or sentence example necessary.

5. Vajayjay: "I love it when Oprah talks about, or points to, her vajayjay."

Hey, if vajayjay is worth a lengthy article in the Sunday New York Times, and I believe it is, then it is worth an entry in the dictionary.

The Next President of the United States

One year from this Sunday, Americans will elect the next president of the United States. I think the winner will be clear by the next morning, Nov. 9, 2008. In other words, this will be no election decided by five Republicans on the Supreme Court, who handed the job to W in 2000.

Predicted matchup: Hillary Clinton vs. Mike Huckabee

Predicted winner: ... Ladies and gentleman, I present to you the next president of the United States: MIKE HUCKABEE.

Why? It's simple.

The more likeable candidate usually wins. Have you seen Huckabee on talk shows? He's likeable, affable, seems like "one of us." Plus he used to be fat and now he's not, and that makes fat people like him. And with more fat people than ever before in America, that's a (ahem) sizeable bloc.

If nominated by Republicans, Huckabee will come off as a "compassionate conservative," just as W did, and voters lap this stuff up, whether or not the promises come true or not. Just like Bush.

We here at The Cup of Joe voted for both Kerry and Gore in 2004 and 2000, but voters found W more likeable, more like the type of guy you could have a beer and a brat with. The same held true with Clinton over Dole (and Perot) in 1996, and Clinton over Bush I (and Perot) in 92. And even "Yale man" Bush I was perceived of as more likeable than Michael Dukakis in '88.

Competence doesn't matter, my friends. Likeability does.

And if you believe the polls, a good chunk of the population already has decided, however irrationally, that it doesn't like Hillary Clinton, or anybody with that last name.

If Mike Huckabee wins one year from today, I shutter to think what the Supreme Court will look like in 2012, after a Baptist Preacher who doesn't believe in Evolution has as many as three picks for the court.

This wolf of a candidate called Mike comes off as a sheep on The Daily Show With John Stewart -- so charming and seemingly moderate -- but what will happen if our next three justices are devotees to Intelligent Design?

Shudder now, my friends.

Boo!

And Happy Halloween.

It's A Fact

From the popular website Chucknorrisfacts.com:

• Guns don't kill people. Chuck Norris kills People.


• There is no theory of evolution. Just a list of animals Chuck Norris allows to live.


• There is no chin under Chuck Norris' Beard. There is only another fist.


• Chuck Norris has two speeds. Walk, and Kill.


• The leading causes of death in the United States are: 1. Heart Disease 2. Chuck Norris 3. Cancer

Here's a fact you might not know: On a conservative website Norris recently endorsed his choice for President, Mike Huckabee. Huckabee, like Bill Clinton, is a man from Hope, as in Hope, Arkansas.

All jokes aside, and though I don't agree with him, Norris does a good job explaining why he's supporting Huckabee. Read more here:

One fact that Norris doesn't mention, nor would I expect him to (but allow me), is that Huckabee is a Homophobe. An intelligent-design-believing, evolution-denying and anti-gay-marriage homophobe, if you believe his record instead of his charming appearances on talk shows.

One more fact: Gays don't kill marriage. Heterosexual divorce kills marriage. It's a fact that Mike Huckabee and his ilk don't seem ready to acknowledge.

Happy Halloween

How to Have a Happy Halloween

Halloween is tomorrow, but you can celebrate today by ordering a copy of The Paul Lynde Halloween Special on DVD. The show was originally broadcast on ABC 31 years ago yesterday (Oct. 29, 1976) and featured the band Kiss, "Pinky Tuscadero" from Happy Days, Florence Henderson, the wicked witch (Margaret Hamilton) from The Wizard of Oz and cameo appearances by Betty White and Donny and Marie Osmond. (Hamilton was also well known at the time as Cora from the Maxwell House coffee commercials.)

According to the New York Times: "Previously circulated on low-quality bootleg VHS tapes among a small but devoted legion of Lynde lovers, this Halloween celebration again looks the way it did on a 19-inch Zenith 31 years ago, courtesy of a rediscovered tape, a tiny distribution outfit called S'more Entertainment Inc. and its kitsch-loving president ..."

Here's a preview featuring Kiss and Hamilton:



Who wants to pay for rush delivery?

Hola

Wally and I are back to our beautiful city after a terrific week of vacation.

And The Cup of Joe returns tomorrow as well.

See you then.