The Cup of Joe Assails Headline Writers

Have you ever heard anybody use the word "assails" in a normal
conversation? The only time this word is ever used is by headline
writers trying to squeeze a verb into a one-column-length space.

The plain truth is that people who use the word "assails" in headlines
are really lazy.

In fact, I'm calling for all headline writers (except for those here at
The Cup of Joe) to cease using this word immediately. And for those who may want to assail me for my use of the word in my own headline above, I feel the need to assail you right back by telling you to "mind
your own beeswax."

I merely used the word "assails" in my own headline because I couldn't think of anything else, and please don't criticize, critique, bash, berate, vilify, malign, maltreat, revile, lambaste or impugn my work because of my own (admitted) lack of a proper vocabulary.