Cat Toy Could Replace Pundits By 2010

In 1996, we here at The Cup of Joe correctly predicted the re-election of President Bill Clinton using not a single exit poll. Instead, we employed Cat Toy Predictor '96™, a device that has correctly predicted the results of every election in the last decade, including the ascent of German Chancellor Angela Merkel and the election of Felipe Calderon as the new president of Mexico.

You can see what's left of the original device to the right. It's gotten quite a lot of use over the years, mostly for non-political purposes involving countless hours of untold enjoyment. On it are pictures of all the major presidential candidates that year: Clinton, Bob Dole, the late Harry Browne (libertarian) and Ross Perot, who for the purposes of this blog entry we'll assume is still living. Click any image to see a larger view.

The device works very simply: Wherever the orange ball lands predicts who the winner will be.


In the coming weeks, look for the results of Cat Toy Predictor 2006. Don't believe the polls, my friends, believe The Cup of Joe.

Cat Toy Predictor 2006 will work this way:

* If the ball lands on former U.S. Rep. Mark Foley, U.S. Sen. Larry Craig from Idaho or Snagglepuss the Gay Mountain Lion, the Republicans will retain a slim majority in both houses of Congress.

* If the ball lands on Bill Clinton, the Democrats will get control of the U.S. Congress.

* If the ball lands on Barry Goldwater, Republicans will keep their paws on one chamber of Congress and Democrats the other.

* And if the ball lands on George W. Bush, I'm asking my doctor for some Lexapro.