Game Night on The Sopranos

The last time my friends and I thought it was a good idea to play Monopoly, I believe it was sometime around 1998. I won't go into the reason why we stopped playing, other than to ask: Did you see The Sopranos tonight?

Tony landed a hotel ... on his cheek.

I'll Take Three Boxes

Two Hunting Trips, No Hunting License: That's All Folks?

"Kill the Wabbit! Kill the Wabbit! Kill the Wabbit!"
-- Elmer Fudd

"I've been a hunter pretty much all my life."
-- Mitt Romney. His campaign staff later explained that "all my life" meant ... "twice."

Sticker Shock

It's kind of hard to believe that some people, who probably think of themselves as conservatives, are still driving today, on Easter Sunday 2007, with these bumper stickers on their cars. What are they doing? Rubbing it in that they won? Trying to say that they were (cough) right?

But some good news: Lately I've noticed that when I see these stickers, I see that many of them have suffered from some kind of distress, like fingernail or scratch marks on the side where the car owners feverishly and unsuccessfully tried to peel off their neoconservative sticker of shame.

My First And Only Post Today

A few years ago, I attended Good Friday services, where I spotted two of my Catholic friends. I had no idea they'd be there. They dubbed finding me inside a church as The Easter Miracle.

Without going into details, let's just say the miracle won't be repeated this year.

HOWEVER: In honor of Good Friday, I'm linking to the full text of the Sermon on the Mount.

If every single person on the earth, regardless of religion, or nationality, truly took these words to heart, and especially those who profess to be Christian but preach hate and defend war, we would truly have heaven on earth.

You know it's true, right?

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One more thing: "Blessed are the peacemakers, for they will be called children of God."

Heaven on earth.

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The Holy Weak

In honor of Holy Week, here's an Easter remembrance of four modern money-changers in the electronic temple we know as television.

Although a resurrected Jesus wasn't around to cast these souls out of the temple, we are fortunate that media reporting was able to accomplish the exact same thing.




"The God that holds you over the pit of hell, much as one holds a spider, or some loathsome insect over the fire, abhors you, and is dreadfully provoked: his wrath towards you burns like fire; he looks upon you as worthy of nothing else, but to be cast into the fire; he is of purer eyes than to bear to have you in his sight; you are ten thousand times more abominable in his eyes, than the most hateful venomous serpent is in ours."
-- Rev. Jonathon Edwards, from his sermon Sinners in the Hand of An Angry God, July 1741.

"Blessed are the merciful, for they will be shown mercy."
-- Jesus, Sermon on the Mount

I *heart* Jesus. Happy Easter.

March Gayness Winner Announced Tonight

A new trend is to use "bracketology" not just to figure out the best college basketball team but loads of other things.

For example, CBS Sunday Morning just used brackets to figure out the most annoying love song of all time. Bill Geist came up with the field, which basically consists of the mix-tape from hell -- a great gift for your lover if you ever wanted her or him to break up with you and you felt the need to passive-aggressively "move the process along." ("Feelings" was the big winner, or should I say loser?)

The folks at The Malcontent, over the past couple weeks, have been running March Gayness to figure out the best gay blog from a fabulous field of 64. Several blogs I link to at right made the cut, including JoeMyGod and Towleroad in the Final Four, though I must say that I had never read many of the blogs in the field, since I'm relatively new to blogging (Ritin' N Read' both, though this post is my 552nd after starting TCOJ about 10 months ago).

JoeMyGod is in the Finals with OMG Blog, a blog I had never read before but I'm sure I would like.

I'm rooting for JoeMyGod. Why? He's a really fine writer and observer of culture and has been nice enough to link to me a couple times. But, more importantly, he has a really cool first name.

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Things I Find In My Basement

FIFTH IN A CONTINUING SERIES.





Six Million Dollar Man Activity Book, birthday gift (1999), "lightly used."

But check back with me in a week: If all goes as planned, I should have the Steve Austin "color by numbers" finished by Easter Sunday.

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WKRP: Worth Tuning In

A reader emailed me that WKRP in Cincinnati (1978-1982 on CBS) is finally coming out on DVD. As a tribute to this classic TV show, here are my FIVE FAVORITE episodes of the show.

1. "Real Families." Herb Tarlek and family go on a TV show, Real Families, a parody of the old "reality" shows such as That's Incredible and Real People. Peter Marshall guest-stars as the obnoxious host. This savaging of TV sensationalism/phoniness pre-dated Jerry Springer and is even more relevant today with the explosion of "reality" TV in recent years and the mockumentary genre. Springer, by the way, was mayor of Cincinnati when WKRP first premiered. (Season Three.)

2. Thanksgiving episode. WKRP decides to do a promotion by dropping turkeys from a helicopter, inspiring the classic closing line from Mr. Carlson: "As God is my witness, I thought turkeys could fly!" Les Nessman describes the scene in a radio report: "One just went through the windshield of a parked car! ... Oh, the humanity! ... The turkeys are hitting the ground like sacks of wet cement! ... The crowd is running for their lives ... Children are searching for their mothers, not since the Hindenburg tragedy has there been anything like this?!!" (Season One.)

3. The Softball Game. If I recall correctly, this episode about a WKRP softball game did not have a laugh track, and the nerdy newsman Les Nessman, who was never able to participate in sports as a kid, plays a starring role in a game against a rival station. Funny and poignant. (Season Two)

4. A 1981 episode features DJ Dr. Johnny Fever catching disco fever -- in a schizophrenic type of way. Title: "Dr. Fever and Mr. Tide." This two-part episode is a must-view for anyone who thinks they "gotta dance." (Season Three)

5. Too hard to choose. Let's just say it's any episode where Les calls golfer Chi Chi Rodriguez as "Chy Chy Rod-ri-gweeze"

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And perhaps my all-time favorite quote from the show, from the show's opening: "But the senator, while insisting he was not intoxicated, could not explain his nudity." Clips from the turkey episode and the Real Families episodes are embedded below and are still funny more than 25 years after they first aired.





(My thanks to reader Jer-Bear/Jerry Wonka for alerting me about the new DVD coming out.)

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Things I Find In My Basement

PART FOUR OF A CONTINUING SERIES.

Campaign literature from Gov. George Bush, circa 2000, promising "A Fresh Start For America" and telling voters, "I believe a government should do a few things and do them well."




More coming.

Sigh.

Operation Kitten Calendar

I did a post about a recommended new show on VH 1 called Acceptable TV a couple weeks ago. A blog reader, my friend Peaches, sent along one of the latest videos from the show, "Operation Kitten Calendar," which I missed since my Tivo has been on the blink. It's sure to please cat lovers, and cat haters.

Birds of a Feather

QUESTION OF THE DAY: Is Mitt Romney the long lost twin brother of American Dad? (Answer in the comments.)

My Tivo is Broken

... Which means that I don't know if Jack Bauer tortured anybody on 24 last night.

And I really don't care.

***

I stand by my earlier reviews of this season. (Click 24 in the LABELS below.) USA Today writer Robert Bianco seems to have figured out what I strongly suspected after Hour 1.

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Things I Find In My Basement

THIRD IN A CONTINUING SERIES.




"Socks the White House Cat" stuffed animal, still in its original cardboard packaging. Birthday gift, 1996.

Baseball Statistics for Lou Dobbs

In honor of baseball's opening day yesterday, here are some statistics* to frighten Lou Dobbs.

* In 1965, 90 percent of major league players were born in the United States. Cuba, with 26 players, topped the 11 other places represented.

* In 2006, 72 percent of major league players were born in the United States. The Dominican Republic, with 146 players, topped the 20 other places represented.

I wonder if Lou thinks it'd be a good idea to erect a giant fence around Major League Baseball? Wouldn't Lou say that the likes of Rod Carew (Panama) and Albert the Great (Dominican Republic) stole/steal jobs from American boys?

Lou?

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Also in honor of Opening Day, here's my February prediction about Barry Bonds. Bonds will break the classy Hank Aaron's all-time home run record, I'm guessing, in July against the Cubs, which should send many baseball fans into a Roid Rage worthy of Bonds himself.

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* Statistics from New York Times via Stats Inc.

Do You Think Rachel Ray liked it?

The Cup of Joe: March in Review

* I'm delighted to report that as of early March the war is over! On March 4 The Cup of Joe Coffee Wars ended with a peace treaty. I just pray that this is the coffee war to end all coffee wars. LINK.

* The mantra I was using at my yoga studio early in the month was, "I wish my yoga studio didn't smell like poo." Fortunately, somebody lit a vanilla candle, which has made me one happy baby. LINK.

* Alan Alda (and John Kerry) inspired a new regular archeology feature unveiled late in the month. What will be dug up in April? LINK.

* Is the character of Boone on ABC's Lost gay? Andy from Towleroad and Greg from Out in Hollywood say YES, but Joe says not so fast. LINK.

* April 14 should be a national day honoring Ellen Degeneres, according to a declaration by the website The Cup of Joe first made public earlier in this sentence. Why? It's the 10-year anniversary of something very special. LINK.

* American Idol. Sigh. LINK.

* What do Velma from Scooby Doo, Alberto Gonzalez and La Cage aux falles all have in common? These are a few of my favorite (or not so favorite) things. LINK.


* The Bionic Woman is coming back as a TV series. But will she like boys, girls or both? LINK.

* March was the month that Ann Coulter and Anna Nicole Smith were laid to rest. (Memo to self: Verify that Ann Coulter is a technically a member of the Walking Dead.) LINK and LINK.


* When it comes to St. Patrick's Day, green beer and pink beer are birds of a feather, because Mexicans Are the New Irish just as Gays Are The New Irish, as explained in two very special holiday posts dedicated to Mr. Lou Dobbs.

* A TCOJ redesign featured a very special animated message from Joe. LINK.

* Read it and weep: If you read only one post this month, I hope it was the one from March 20 written by ... George Bush's speechwriters. Years from now, when the history of this country is written, it will be documents like this -- available right on the White House website, that will give historians all the evidence they need when they write that George Bush is one of the biggest disasters in American history. LINK.

END OF MONTH TRIVIA: What got more press this month: Sanjaya's hair or the newly dead in Iraq? Answer: Sanjaya's hair, which was the winner by far more than just a hair.

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